


The Boy Next Door

by celedan



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Porn, Anal Sex, Emotional Roller Coaster, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, Pool Sex, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22681720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celedan/pseuds/celedan
Summary: Ianto Jones got the incredible chance to study in the USA at an elitist university; he can't say that he's all too happy living there though. That changes when he meets his neighbour, Jack. The man is innuendo on legs, funny, buoyant, and damn hot, and Ianto's not even gay. He can't help but be drawn in by this charismatic person until one day, he learns about the profession of the man he has fallen in love with...
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Owen Harper/Toshiko Sato
Comments: 13
Kudos: 82





	The Boy Next Door

**Author's Note:**

> Have you ever seen “The Girl Next Door”? I watched the movie by chance recently, and altough it was kinda crazy and quirky, I liked it. I could practically see a Torchwood equivalent playing right before my inner eye while I watched the movie, it just fit. And so, here we are (I just didn't think it would turn out this long; I really don't know where all those words came from, but oh well...^^).

Dismayed, Ianto stared at the wet, dripping spot on his ceiling.

Wasn't California supposed to be sunny?!

“Oh sweetheart,” Gwen simpered beside him, rubbing his arm comfortingly. “It's not the end of the world!”

Ianto knew that. It was just that a leaky ceiling was simply the icing on the cake of his stay here.

Six months into his business studies at Stanford University, and he was still incredibly unhappy.

Yes, he knew, he had no right to complain since he'd been incredibly lucky to even get this scholarship for Stanford in the first place. If he hadn't, he would still have been able to go to a university, back home in Wales, or England, but a much more inferior one. This was his chance of a better life than what his parents had been able to offer him, no matter how hard they'd tried.

But, truly, was it any wonder he was unhappy? He was Welsh, goddammit, dumped into the middle of America of all countries. He didn't understand these people, really. For his tastes, Americans were way too touchy-feely. Even a lot of the lecturers and professors, much to Ianto's horror, behaved like the students' best friend instead of a person commanding respect.

And his housemates... a snarky Londoner studying medicine who'd already been here for a while when Ianto had moved in (and had over so many women that Ianto wondered Owen himself didn't get confused). A shallow and, granted, incredibly touchy-feely Welshwoman who constantly mourned about missing her boyfriend (then why the hell had she left Wales?!), and who was of the opinion just because Ianto was Welsh, too, that they had to be the best of friends. And last, a frighteningly intelligent, shy Japanese woman from Washington with British roots. Actually, he liked Toshiko. They had a lot in common, but even she had more of a social life than him...

Which was all Lisa's fault, by the way, because Ianto was still pining for her (he wasn't any better than Gwen in that regard, but at least he kept quiet about it). Even if their attempt at a relationship had failed – not at least because she had gone to London while he'd been given the questionable joy of spending a couple of years in the USA –, he didn't have it in him to start dating again yet.

Anyway. His social-life problems were something he couldn't change at the moment, but at least, he could do something against the current problem.

As if Toshiko had read his mind, she suggested, “You can move into David's room.”

“Yeah,” Gwen beamed. “Your luck that he moved out.”

Indeed, just a couple of days ago, the fifth in their midst had decided to move out. Ianto would have liked to say because David had changed unis, but depressingly, he had moved out because they were “too boring for someone like him”. After a nasty shouting match with an affronted Gwen and Owen, he'd been off. Well, good riddance, Ianto thought. The strongheaded, fun-loving Texan was the one he could connect to the least. He'd even prefer Owen over David.

So now, there was an empty room in their Off-campus house.

Sighing, Ianto rolled up his sleeves, and started gathering up his things with Gwen and Tosh's help – Owen backing out with the claim to have something more urgent to do.

Not bad, thought Ianto to himself after he was settled in his new room. It lay on the exact opposite site of the house from where Ianto's old room had been. Instead of neighbour house to their left, he now had a nice view into the bedroom window of neighbour house to their right.

That was fine with him; he'd heard the neighbours were quite nice in this part of town. Not that he'd had much dealings with them until now. He wasn't the social kind of guy, much too busy with studying, and they were the only students who lived in this idyllic, nice suburban neighbourhood anyway. The rest of the people living in their street were families, so, nothing in common there. Gwen had made some friends, he thought he recalled, but she was an outgoing person who was friendly – too friendly sometimes for his liking – with everybody, and found friends pretty quickly.

He snorted sarcastically. Maybe he'd struck up a friendship with whoever slept in that room opposite his window. They could have conversations with old-fashioned tin can telephones.

Shaking his head, Ianto wiped away the last questionable traces of something sticky from David's desk (which had served more as a tray for a lot of drinks with high amounts of sugar and/or alcohol than for documents and other stationery) before he started spreading out his own papers on the desk's surface.

Time to get back to it again. The unfortunate roof incident had thrown him back in his work. He hoped housing admin would take care of the problem quickly so that he could move back into his own room. He'd stay here for the time being, but he was reluctant to switch rooms for good. Moving all of his things into this room would take too much time, and he had some important tests coming up in the next couple of weeks.

The first inkling Ianto got on who the hell lived in the house whose bedroom window he had such a nice view of was the next afternoon when he came home from a couple of lectures only to turn back around again right at the door because a certain future medic had forgotten to take out the trash. Grumbling under his breath while trying not to breathe through his nose at the same time, Ianto carried the smelly bin bag outside.

On his way back inside, he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. Curious, he turned his head, and spotted a man going into the house next door. Ianto cocked his head. He'd never seen the man before – again, not very surprising what with him keeping to himself most of the time and never seeing _any_ of their neighbours at all. Without appearing as if he was staring, Ianto scrutinised the other man quickly before he turned his gaze forward again on his way back into the house. Lean, with sun-kissed skin and brown hair that flopped artfully over his forehead, but probably slightly older than Ianto. But apart from that, his good looks made it impossible to guess his age. He looked timeless, and more like he belonged to LA in front of the flashlights of some trendy fashion magazine than here in this quiet, rather conservative neighbourhood.

Irritated, Ianto felt his cheeks heat, and he shook his head hastily.

In that moment, the man turned his head, and his gaze met Ianto's.

For some unfathomable reason, Ianto felt himself blush even more, and when the man suddenly winked at him cockily, he almost stumbled on the first step leading up to the front door.

He hastened to get inside.

Breathing heavily, Ianto rushed up into his room, and, uncharacteristically for him, slammed the door shut behind him so as if the mysterious man was right at his heels.

His heart pounding like mad, Ianto let his rucksack slide from his grip where it thumped to the floor, forgotten for the moment.

He chanced a careful look out the window, but there was no movement in the other room.

Grumbling in irritation, Ianto snatched up his discarded rucksack, and started working on the paper they'd been assigned today for next week.

Ianto lost track of time completely. So, when he next looked up from his laptop, he saw that it was dark already outside, much to his surprise.

Huh. But at least, his homework was done.

Groaning, he stretched his stiff limbs, and blinked his eyes that ached from staring at the laptop screen for too long. He finally decided to heed his rumbling stomach's demands for food.

In that moment, the light was turned on in the bedroom of the other house. For the very first time, Ianto saw movement in there.

With his heart pounding like mad again, he spotted the man from earlier crossing through the room. Who was he? Did he live there alone? Ianto supposed so. At least, there were no kids because even if Ianto never saw their neighbours, all of their children could be heard constantly, and the front lawns were littered with huge amounts of toys.

Any thoughts he may have further had stopped abruptly when the man, not even bothering to pull shut the blinds, started taking off his clothes. First, the leather jacket he wore went, thrown carelessly onto the bed, then the rather fetching shirt followed, leaving the man's upper body bare since he didn't wear any kind of vest or T-shirt underneath. Ianto cocked his head as he was drawn in by the hypnotic play of strong muscles shifting in the man's back, his lightly tanned skin shining like dull gold under the light of the bedroom's lamps... The moment for Ianto to become alarmed came when the man's hands wandered to the front of his trousers. All of a sudden, Ianto snapped out of his trance, hot shame burning inside of him for spying on this man. He scrambled up to close the blinds on his own window.

The trousers were undone, and any moment now would be shoved over tapered hips and muscular thighs.

As if the man felt Ianto's gaze boring into his back (and other parts of his body), he halted in his tracks, and suddenly turned around abruptly.

Mortified, Ianto threw himself back against the wall next to the window, hiding himself from view. It felt as if his heart would slam out of his chest any second now, it was beating so hard.

Why had he looked?! He'd never done something like that, even as a pubescent boy. It was wrong on all accounts, and not because he'd peeped on a _man_!

Chancing a peek around the corner, much to his relief, he saw that the light in the bedroom next door was turned off again.

Ianto let out a deep, deep sigh.

As the doorbell suddenly rang, he startled violently, and cursed himself in the next second for his jumpiness.

“Get a grip on yourself, Jones,” he grumbled, and decided that he badly needed some food. That would calm his nerves as well as his blood sugar level.

Jogging down the stairs, he heard voices in the hallway, surely one of Gwen's friends coming to visit or some of Owen's mates picking him up for another night of partying.

When he rounded the corner and came into view of the front door, Ianto froze.

Two sets of eyes looked in his direction at his arrival. First, he met Owen's bored gaze who sluggishly raised his arm, pointing at Ianto.

“There he is, mate. Bye.”

And with that, the medical student made a beeline for the kitchen.

Which left Ianto completely alone with their neighbour.

On whom he had spied not even ten minutes ago.

And who now stood in their hallway, grinning at him cheekily.

Ianto felt himself flush when he was subjected to that look, but he didn't dare move his gaze higher to meet the man's eyes.

He gulped heavily when a strong chest clad in that dashing shirt from earlier came into view of his downturned gaze.

“Ianto, right? I'm Jack,” the man, Jack, started talking to him as if they'd known each other for ages already. His smooth tenor poured over Ianto like warm honey, and he wasn't even irritated about the way the man mispronounced his name. He found it quite endearing actually. “I've never seen you here before, and I have to say, that's quite the shame,” Jack continued.

Finally getting a grip on himself, and daring to meet Jack's eyes – God, they were so blue! –, Ianto cleared his throat. “I lived on the other side of the house,” he mumbled stupidly. “But a leak in my ceiling forced me to switch rooms.”

Jack threw him a beaming grin. “Then I'm forever grateful to that leak.” He raked his eyes over Ianto's form appreciatively. “I bet the view's much more exciting on this side of the house, right.”

He hadn't thought it possible, but Ianto turned even redder.

“It's quite the change,” he tried to deflect blandly.

“That it is,” Jack agreed without any humility. “And by the way, I love your accent.”

“Yeah.” Ianto had to clear his throat again. “Thanks. Likewise.”

He couldn't say how much he abhorred American accents normally. He should abhore Jack's drawl as well, but...

“Hey, how about I show you around a bit? It's a nice town,” Jack suddenly suggested, and reached out to put a warm hand onto Ianto's shoulder.

For a moment, the warmth of Jack's touch left him practically brain-dead, but then, Ianto registered with Jack's words.

“I'm living here for six months already,” he replied with a frown, finally finding his footing again in some good old, familiar irritation.

Jack smirked knowingly. “Well, but I think you're the kind of guy who hasn't seen much of the area apart from the university's library.”

“Yeah, spot on,” Owen drawled when he suddenly passed them on his way up into his room.

“Thank you, Owen,” Ianto seethed, his face now red with a completely different kind of embarrassment, especially since it was the truth. “That was very helpful.”

He turned back to Jack. “It's nine in the evening.”

“And?” Jack looked confused. “Who cares. We're not fifteen any more who have to be at home by ten.” The older man frowned. “How old are you anyway? You're not fifteen, are you?”

Great, now he looked like fifteen.

“I'm twenty,” Ianto ground out through gritted teeth.

“Ah, okay, that's fine then. Come on.”

And with that, Jack grasped Ianto's wrist, and started dragging the unresisting Welshman out of the house.

“I may have not seen that much of this town, but even I know that there is not that much to see in the first place,” Ianto eventually broke the strange silence in the car.

Jack shrugged at that. “Oh, I know some places.”

“I may be twenty, but I'm still not legal for the kind of places you probably have in mind,” Ianto reminded the other man drily.

Jack gasped in mock affront. “Who do you take me for?! Do you really think I'd take you somewhere seedy where I can get you sloshed to have my way with you?!”

Ianto cocked an amused eyebrow. “I'm not sure yet.”

“Nah,” Jack grunted. “I don't need to fill you up for that.” He turned his head to look at Ianto, giving him that damn wink again. “People fall for me naturally. It's the jawline, you know.”

His face heating with embarrassment for the umpteenth time this night, Ianto huffed sarcastically. “Don't worry, I won't fall for you,” he explained snobbishly. “You're not my type. And I'm completely straight by the way.”

“Didn't look like it from my bedroom window earlier.” Jack had the nerve to grin cheekily at Ianto again.

The young man spluttered, and almost choked on his own breath. “I'm sorry, okay!” he cried. “I didn't mean to, but don't tell me that other people wouldn't have looked. It's in humans' nature to be...”

“Depraved? Yeah, you're right on that.”

“I'm not depraved!” Ianto protested loudly.

“I'm not sure yet,” Jack parroted Ianto's earlier words with a smug grin which he didn't even try to hide.

Huffing, Ianto turned his gaze forwards to look out the windscreen, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I'm not speaking to you.”

“You don't have to for the kind of compensation I want.”

“Compensation?!” Now, Ianto couldn't help but look at Jack again with wide, shocked eyes.

“Sure.” The man shrugged. “In my opinion, it's fundamentally unfair that you are the only one who had some fun earlier.”

Jack suddenly pulled over, and parked the car. He shuffled around in his seat until he was facing Ianto. In a theatralic gesture, he placed his hand over his heart. “You see, I feel so defiled that you've seen me naked.”

“I haven't seen you naked!” Ianto shouted in horror. “You still had your trousers on!”

“And thus,” Jack continued, undeterred, “I think it only fair that we even the balance.”

Ianto fell silent, and stared at Jack for a few long moments, completely dumbfounded.

“You,” he stammered when he finally got what Jack wanted from him. “You want me to strip for you?!”

“Sure.”

Ianto snorted disbelievingly. “What, right here on the street or what?”

Jack shrugged. “Here's as good a place as any.”

“Forget it. I don't plan to go back to Wales with a criminal record for public nuisance.”

Jack looked at Ianto calmly who, in his utter indignation, held the older man's intense stare, not backing down for even one second.

Jack shifted a bit closer, eyeing Ianto conspiratorially.

“Okay, you don't have to,” he finally amended. “Under one condition.”

“Which one?”

“You let me kiss you.”

“What?!” Ianto reared back in shock. “No way! Are you nuts?!”

”Either that or you strip,” Jack explained still calmly, shrugging unrelentingly.

Open-mouthed, Ianto stared at this insolent, impossible man, but otherwise, he couldn't get a word out for the moment.

In the end, he snapped his mouth shut, and pursed his lips. He glared for a moment longer at Jack, and, dammit, felt his face heat again.

“Okay,” he finally growled.

“Brilliant,” Jack beamed, leaned in, and pressed his lips to Ianto's without preamble.

Ianto's breath caught, but then, he sucked in a deep breath through his nose. A mistake as he realised since, like that, he got a nose-full of Jack's incredible, overpowering scent. It made him weak in the knees, and he would have tumbled to the ground if he wasn't already sitting down.

Feeling as if an eternity passed, Ianto blinked trembling eyes open when Jack pulled back eventually.

Silence that was heavy with meaning reigned for a couple of seconds in the car, and the two men stared at each other as if spellbound.

“There you go,” Jack broke the spell, a much too bright grin breaking out on his face. “Wasn't so hard, was it.”

With that smug grin playing around his lips that Ianto would have loved to wipe away with a well-placed punch, Jack started the car again.

By the time the two men sat in a busy diner – Jack's idea, he could be very persuasive Ianto learned –, Ianto's blood pressure had gone down again, and he felt a bit more in control of himself.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

And there, Ianto was caught wrong-footed again.

Jack didn't beat around the bush it seemed. But Ianto shouldn't have been surprised, really.

To win some time, Ianto took a sip of his coffee, grimacing at the horrible taste of the subpar brew. Instead, he quickly took solace in the piece of chocolate cake before him which was decidedly better.

“No,” he finally said slowly. He didn't know why, but he decided to confide in Jack. “There was that girl. Lisa.” He shrugged helplessly. “We went on a few dates, but it didn't work out for a couple of reasons.” He snorted sardonically. “She didn't like Bond, can you imagine.”

“A no-go criterion?” Jack grinned.

Ianto barked out a laugh. “Yeah, something like that. Anyway. She went to London, and I got the scholarship for Stanford.”

“I'm sorry,” Jack said, but didn't sound as sorry as he probably should. “Then let's find you someone new.”

“Jack!” Ianto gasped indignantly. “That's quite insensible.”

The older man shrugged. “I'm not much for dwelling on past hurts and regrets. You'll only make yourself miserable. To be happy, you have to let go and start anew.”

Ianto frowned. Jack's matter-of-fact words sounded suspiciously like a certain someone was speaking from experience. But Ianto didn't ask. Unlike Jack, he had some tact left.

“Well,” Jack spoke up again. “What's your dream girl gonna look like?” He winked. “Or boy?”

“Girl,” Ianto insisted with a glare.

“Okay then. Girl.” Jack pulled over a paper napkin, and dug up a biro from somewhere in his rather tight-fitting attire. Clicking the push button a few times, he scrutinised Ianto challengingly. His eyes raked over Ianto's form a few times thoughtfully.

“The perfect girl for you,” he started spinning, “has to be... charming? Yes, charming.” He bend down to doodle a few lines onto the napkin. “And...”

“Clever,” Ianto decided to play the game, just for the sake of seeing what else Jack would come up with.

“Clever, of course.” More lines were added.

Taking refuge in a bite of chocolate cake, Ianto let his thoughts stray.

“Cute?” Jack winked.

“Yeah, sure,” Ianto shrugged. Contemplatively, he looked down onto his plate. “She has to make me laugh,” he eventually decided.

“That's good,” Jack agreed, and concentrated on his drawing again. “And she has to bring you to do things you wouldn't normally do.”

“Why?”

Jack looked up from the napkin again at Ianto's confused tone. He laughed at him. “Because it's good for you. You're much too proper and serious.”

“Thanks,” Ianto drawled, unimpressed.

Jack shrugged. “It's true.”

With a ridiculously proud smile on his face that made Ianto snicker, Jack finally held up the napkin with a ta-da gesture.

“May I introduce you to your great love.”

Despite himself, Ianto laughed even harder when he saw the stick-figure with a kissing mouth and hearts in its eyes. The thin arms were spread apart as if to hug the viewer.

“Drawing's not your forte, I take it,” Ianto giggled until he was out of breath, but he accepted the napkin from Jack anyway.

Pouting, Jack crossed his arms before his chest in mock-affront. “I'll take you back now.”

Ianto still couldn't stop the giggles.

“No way!” Tosh exclaimed, shocked and excited at the same time. “The nerve of that man!”

“I know!” Ianto replied, completely serious.

Tosh suddenly shuffled closer to him on the sofa. “But tell me, was it any good? The kiss, I mean?”

“Tosh!” Ianto stared at her reproachfully.

“What? You said that he's a good-looking bloke. Why not enjoy your punishment while you can?”

“Who's being punished?” Gwen asked curiously as she came into the living room, much to Ianto's horror. Even worse, she was being followed by Owen.

“Ianto,” Tosh answered helpfully, then winked at the other two. “If a kiss can count as punishment.”

Gwen's eyes widened for a second. “Well,” she contemplated. “If the kisser is ugly, then maybe.”

“That one seems to be the oposite,” Tosh snorted.

Gwen turned wide but very determined eyes onto Ianto, fully expecting to getting answers. The woman would have made a fine police officer – she'd have annoyed all the suspects into confessing. “Who punished you with a kiss?” she demanded.

It was Owen who answered her question. “That guy from last night. Our neighbour.” The Londoner snorted. “Didn't know that you're gay.”

“I'm not,” Ianto bristled immediately.

“Oh, it's fine with me,” Owen amended, raising his hands in defence. “Less competition with the birds who, for some unfathomable reason, seem to like your babyface.”

“I'm not gay,” Ianto repeated through gritted teeth.

“Oh, don't mind him,” Gwen squealed, and clapped her hands like an excited little girl. “This is so sweet.”

“You don't even know what happened,” Ianto deadpanned.

“Doesn't matter. Listen.” Determinedly, she reached for his hand. “I'll help set you two up!”

Ianto wanted to lie down and die.

His mid-morning lecture was the first opportunity he got to breathe a little again since Gwen had accosted him over breakfast once more.

“You have to kiss him again, but this time, it has to be a real kiss!”

Ianto really didn't know if she had hit her head or was somehow stoned or whatever. That woman wanted to set him up with a complete stranger whom she hadn't even seen yet!

It was the pain of separation. That had to be the reason. She'd finally snapped because she missed Rhys so much, and now, in a disturbingly psychopathic way, had set her mind on making others happy.

Ianto wasn't sure he was strong enough to fend her off for very long. She was scary in her determination.

Sighing, he let his gaze roam since he'd already missed half of what the lecturer drowned on about anyway.

Ianto froze when his gaze wandered over one of the last rows of the lecture theatre. He had to resist the urge to childishly rub his eyes. Because there, in an unoccupied corner of seats, was Jack.

But instead of paying attention to what the lecturer was saying (and anyway, Ianto hardly believed that Jack was a student here), the blue eyes were fastened on Ianto.

The lean body lounged in the folding seat, the long legs splayed comfortably in an almost indecent manner. Ianto had to swallow, and brought his gaze back up to Jack's face hastily. Where he encountered a leer and a challengingly cocked eyebrow.

Reaching out his arm, Jack crooked his finger in a come-hither gesture. Then, he glided from his seat in a fluid, graceful move, and slipped from the lecture theatre.

For a moment, Ianto was undecided. It was madness wanting to follow the other man! What was he doing here anyway?

But...

Throwing one last look down onto the professor still drowning on obliviously, Ianto came to a sudden decision.

Grabbing his things, he followed Jack.

The other man waited for him outside the building, leaning against his very nice sports car.

“Hey there,” he grinned brightly when Ianto approached.

Ianto was drawn in by this beaming smile like a moth to the flame.

Jack patted the bonnet of his car. “Care for a little trip?”

“Where to?”

“Don't know.” Jack shrugged, unconcerned. “We'll think of something along the way.”

What Jack came up with was nothing Ianto had imagined as he sat beside Jack in the man's car, the hood opened so that the bright, warm sun beat down on them, and the wind whipped around their faces.

They weren't doing anything, really. Just driving around, enjoying the sun (even if Ianto had to be careful what with his pale complexion and all), making small talk. Or rather, Jack talked a mile a minute, and only seemed to expect Ianto to answer with the occasional grunt. The younger man wasn't sure if Jack did that on purpose, but all the trivial chatter managed to calm down his nerves somewhat. He was glad that, for the moment, nothing was expected of him, and eventually, he even started to enjoy himself. Looking around curiously since – much to his chagrin – Jack had been right with his assumption that Ianto hadn't seen very much of the town yet, he listened to Jack with one ear.

“Excuse me?”

He turned his head back to Jack who looked at him with a questioning gaze.

“I said, let's get some ice cream. It's been ages since I had any.” He winked at Ianto cheekily. “Wouldn't want to ruin that body, now would I.”

Completely against his will, Ianto blushed, but hoped that this could be written off to a slight sunburn on his cheeks. “O-okay,” he stammered, completely thrown.

“Why are you doing this, Jack?” Ianto asked when both of them perched on a bench in a neat little park, each an ice cream cone in their hand.

“What do you mean?” Jack asked, and Ianto was distracted for a moment as he watched the man messily lick away some melted ice from his fingers.

Ianto shook his head forcefully. “Ehm, I mean... this.” He held up his cone. “The driving around. With me.”

Thoughtfully, Jack licked his ice cream, enticing Ianto once more with the peep of a pink tongue lapping up the frozen confection. He hastily turned his attention to his own melting chocolate ice cream.

“You're interesting,” Jack finally explained. “And I don't know that many people here.” He shrugged. “It's nice to have someone to talk to about normal things.”

“But you live here longer than I, don't you? Surely you know more interesting people than me? Or... more people at all.”

Jack's pale blue eyes focussed onto Ianto, an intense gleam flashing in them as he scrutinised the young man beside him. “Not really. I only know people from work.”

“What are you doing?”

Jack hesitated for a moment.

“You don't have to tell me,” Ianto hastily assured, but Jack shook his head.

“It's okay. I'm... an actor.”

“Oh, wow. Have I seen you in anything I'd know?”

Jack cringed all of a sudden. “I don't think so. What I'm doing is more independent. Nothing of the mainstream stuff.”

“I see. Nonetheless, it sounds interesting.”

Jack barked out a laugh. “Yeah, you could say that. But it gets old after a while. This here,” he indicated the both of them, their ice cream, the park, “most of the people in my business wouldn't do something mundane like this.”

“That's a shame,” Ianto replied eventually. “Because I like doing this.”

Jack's face brightened. “Yeah?”

“Yep.”

His bright grin tapering off into a pleased, happy little smile, Jack turned back to his ice cream.

It was true, Ianto thought as he watched Jack browse through a stack of CDs in a small music shop he'd dragged Ianto into. He liked spending time with Jack. It was crazy, they didn't even know each other, but nonetheless...

Ianto tried not to cringe, and instead smiled at Jack's antics who was singing along to some musical song he'd chosen at the provided music station – He was quite good actually. Fact was, Jack was a man. And Ianto felt himself falling rapidly. He wasn't gay though, was he? He'd never felt like that about a guy ever before. It couldn't be. But...

Watching Jack, seeing him so carefree and unguarded, a happy smile on his face as he sang loudly in that beautiful tenor... for all he was worth, Ianto couldn't deny that he was fascinated by Jack. That man was one of a kind. It was obvious even though they'd met only barely a day before, and he didn't know anything about him.

A small, insistent voice in his head sounding suspiciously like Gwen told him it didn't matter that they hardly knew each other or that Jack was a man. He knew what his lips tasted like, what he smelled like (which was pretty good, by the way). Those things weren't about gender at all, were they.

And Jack looked fantastic. Even a straight guy had to admit to that. The man looked like some old-era Hollywood star that had stepped right from the black and white cinema screen of the forties. Once more, he couldn't help but think that there was something timeless about Jack that gave him a certain mystifying aura.

The only thing Ianto still didn't get: what did Jack want with him of all people? He found Ianto interesting? Nobody found him interesting, not even his own family. Lisa had, for a while; she'd been drawn to his bumbling lost puppy cuteness, but that hadn't been himself. Ianto'd never met anyone with whom he could be just himself. Except maybe...

He cast a sneaky look over towards Jack.

What he had with Jack at the moment felt pretty natural to him. Maybe it was the man part of this aquaintance. Ianto had always been bad talking to girls. Talking to Jack was easier, even if the seemingly instinctual flirting of that man made him blush half of the time.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Ianto flinched violently as Jack suddenly appeared next to him. Very close next to him.

Staring wide-eyed at the older man for a couple of seconds, he cleared his throat eventually. “Just lost in thought.”

The answering beaming grin didn't bode well. “I hope good thoughts. Am I starring in them?”

Ianto snorted at that. “You're awfully full of yourself, aren't you.”

Jack opened his mouth for some innuendo which Ianto had only to blame himself for, but the younger man hastily raised a hand. “No, don't. I take that back.”

“Pity.” Jack grinned, and slung an arm around Ianto's shoulders. “I'm done here. What about you?”

Ianto nodded his head yes.

“Okay. Then let's get back.”

“Are you hungry?” Ianto heard himself blurt out all of a sudden, surprising himself. “We could go get something.”

Jack looked at him with a pleased gleam in his eyes, but then, he shook his head, looking disappointed. “Sorry. I have an appointment tonight that I can't cancel. But maybe tomorrow? I could cook for us.”

“You can cook?” Ianto raised a dubious eyebrow.

“Hey!” Jack cried in mock-affront. “I have to inform you that I'm a fantastic cook. We'll see if you can beat me.”

“No need. I'm a terrible cook,” Ianto admitted with a sheepish grin. “But...” He suddenly started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt before he dared looking Jack straight in the eye again. “I make a mean cup of coffee.”

“Yeah?” Jack beamed. “Fantastic. I don't. We're a good team.”

“Seems so, yeah.”

“That's settled then.”

With his arm still around Ianto's shoulders, Jack dragged him out of the music store and back to the car. “Come over tomorrow at seven.”

New nervousness flared up inside him when Ianto bridged the short way between their houses. His feet felt like lead, and he got the impression that he was on his way to his executioner. Tosh's encouraging words were fading more and more, squashed by his nervousness about tonight.

He hadn't been able to concentrate on anything the whole day, really. The only thing that had had any space in Ianto's mind was the thought of having dinner with Jack tonight.

The prospect was awfully domestic, wasn't it? This was the third day of their acquaintance, and already Jack was cooking for him. It felt like a date. But it wasn't, right?

_Well, sweetie, what do you think it is otherwise?_

That voice in his head again. _Gwen_ in his head again.

He had to stop that. At least look for another voice of consciousness. At this rate, he'd even prefer his sister.

Clearing his throat and taking in a deep, deep breath to calm his nerves, Ianto rang the doorbell.

The sound of feet pounding down the stairs heralded Jack's arrival, and in the next second, the man had opened the door and stood before Ianto.

Ianto had to swallow. Jack looked... well, fantastic. Even more fantastic than normal. For a short moment, he raked his eyes over Jack appreciatively, starting at his artfully tousled hair down to the snug, casual T-shirt and jeans he wore until his eyes came to rest on his bare feet. He had to swallow heavily.

“Hi.”

Jack's voice caused Ianto to snap his gaze back up to Jack's face, a guilty blush on his cheeks.

“Hi,” he mumbled, and before he could censor himself, an awkward “You look very handsome” had come out of his mouth.

Laughing that booming, carefree laugh Ianto had come to crave hearing from Jack yesterday, Jack stepped aside to let his guest in.

“I like what I see as well.”

Ianto blushed even harder, and had to resist the urge to fidget with the hem of his shirt again – a new bad habit he had to get rid of again soon.

When he stepped into the house though, there wasn't any time left for being nervous. His mouth hanging open in awe, Ianto stared at the interior of the house, sleek and modern, but also cosy. It was so different from their own house.

“You like?”

He jumped when Jack's voice rumbled in his ear, and his warm breath tickled his neck, that's how close he suddenly was.

“Ehm, yeah,” Ianto stammered. “It's beautiful.”

“Thanks. Sadly, I'm not home as often as I'd like. I can hardly enjoy it.”

Jack inclined his head for Ianto to follow him.

They crossed through the hallway, and eventually stepped into a very modern kitchen that could have come right out of a catalogue. But in contrast to the sterile kitchens on the glossy pages, this one was in use; A cutting board with chopped paprika on the cube in the middle of the room, bubbling and boiling and hissing pots and pans on the stove. It was all rather messy, and Ianto resolved to offer tidying up after their dinner. After all, the older man had cooked already, and Ianto had the suspicion that Jack didn't really like cleaning up that much whereas he... Well, there were worse whims than being a cleaning maniac, Ianto supposed.

Leaning against the kitchen counter with a bottle of beer after Jack had declined his offer of help, Ianto simply watched the other man swirl around the kitchen handling dishes and ingredients and cooking utensils as versed as a joggler.

The outcome was fantastic. He wouldn't have expected Jack to be able to cook that well. And after the amicable meal was over, Ianto made good on his intention to clean up the kitchen, despite Jack's protests, and fixed them both a cup of coffee afterwards – not so muchto Jack's protest.

They drank their coffees outside on the terrace since it was a warm night, comfortably reclining in deck stairs next to the pool. Jack had a pool, how cool was that. Back in Wales, he didn't know anyone who had a pool at home – which could maybe be related to the Welsh weather, but still. And why didn't they have a pool? University should do everything to keep their students happy and thus all the more motivated to work, Ianto thought.

Jack laughed good-heartedly at him when he told him that, and they both broke out into a fit of giggles.

In Jack's case, they soon turned into an almost indecent moan when he took his first sip of coffee, making Ianto blush heavily so that he could only hope that the bluish light of the pool hid his reddened cheeks.

“Ianto! That's fantastic! Where did you learn to do that?” Amazed, Jack stared at Ianto with wide eyes.

The young man shrugged. “I've worked as a barista in Cardiff during the summer hols. I picked up a few things.”

“A few things my ass,” Jack chuckled. “If business studies don't work out, you could open a café.”

Ianto returned the chuckle. “Yeah, maybe.”

“I'm serious. This is the best coffee I've ever had.”

Against his will, Ianto blushed again at the praise, and he mumbled a small “Thanks”.

To cover up his flustered embarrassment, he put his cup aside on a small table that stood between the deckchairs and leapt up, suddenly a little restless.

He stepped to the edge of the pool, and stared into the still water, the lamps lightning up the blue walls underwater throwing a magical, golden-blue glow on everything. The assaulting smell of chlorine filled his nostrils once in a while. Ianto had the sudden urge to just jump into the water, clothes and all, just for once doing something unpredictable for him (aside from the hundred other unpredictable things Jack made him do since they've known each other).

He didn't, and instead thought about Jack's job, that it must be pretty lucrative to have such a house all for himself. If Ianto didn't know him from any movies he might have seen, maybe Jack played at the theatre; the older man hadn't been very specific. He didn't have any idea about this line of work, theatre had never really been of any interest to Ianto, but he imagined that you could earn a lot of money if you were good.

He suddenly felt Jack come to a stop next to him, felt his body heat even through both of their clothes.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,” Ianto assured. “Just lost in thought.”

“You should stop being so gloomy all the time.”

“I'm not gloomy,” Ianto gasped, and glared at Jack from the corner of his eye.

“Sorry, serious then.”

“Just acting appropriate for my age. 'M not a kid anymore,” Ianto defended himself which earned him a snort from Jack.

“I bet you were much too serious as a kid, too.”

Ianto gritted his teeth because Jack was, of course, right.

But before he could open his mouth for some clever retort, he lost his footing, and for a split-second, he seemed suspended in the air. Then, cool water crashed over him.

Sputtering and gasping for breath, Ianto made his way back up to the surface.

“Shit! It's cold.”

“I don't use it that often, so why pay for heating the water up.”

Jack's cheery voice floated over to him. Wiping the water from his eyes, Ianto glared at Jack in shock.

“Did you just shove me into the pool?!”

His hands in the pockets of his trousers innocently, Jack grinned at him in a boyish fashion.

“What did I tell you about childish behaviour?” Ianto grumbled.

Jack laughed out loud at that. “And what did I tell you about being too serious?”

Ianto glared harder at him, his lower lip shoved forward in a pout. But then, his eyes widened. “What are you doing?!”

Jack rolled his eyes, and didn't stop stripping off his clothes.

Ianto wanted to look away, but just like the first time, he couldn't; the sight of Jack's skin being uncovered seemed to draw him in magically.

Before Ianto could stammer out something embarrassing, Jack gracefully dove into the water, leaving Ianto gaping like a fish out of water, not knowing if he should be scandalised, bashful, turned on or everything all at once.

When Jack emerged from the water right in front of him like some kind of enticing merman, glittering drops of water splashing everywhere with his ascend, Ianto decided on turned on. Definitely turned on.

His mouth suddenly awfully dry, he stared at Jack with wide eyes, frozen to the spot. Fortunately, the water was shallow enough that he could still stand; otherwise, Ianto would have drowned in his paralysed state.

Brushing his wet fringe out of his eyes, Jack's minx-like gaze zoomed in on Ianto.

A small squeak got stuck in Ianto's throat when Jack advanced on him. He wanted to back up, but he was still frozen to the spot.

“That can't be comfortable,” Jack purred, and reached out to playfully tug at the collar of Ianto's drenched shirt. “Let me help you take it off.”

Swallowing heavily, Ianto wanted to say “No”, but what came out instead was a raspy “Okay”.

He started to tremble which he later blamed on the coolness of the water when Jack came even closer, and slowly started opening button after button. The older man was intently watching what his hands were doing, even as they dipped below the water's surface, and when he'd finally managed to open Ianto's shirt completely, his eyes lit up with delight at seeing Ianto's naked chest for the first time. Sucking in an excited breath, he carded his fingers through the dark hair on Ianto's chest.

Ianto bit the inside of his cheek to keep in the moan that wanted to escape, but suddenly, Jack's face was so close to his, his warm breath fanning over Ianto's wet cheek.

“Don't hold back,” Jack breathed. “I want to hear you.”

A small moan actually made it past Ianto's lips this time when Jack pressed their naked chests together, and he wriggled around a bit to help Jack peel his shirt from his shoulders.

“I want to hear your moans when I touch you,” Jack whispered, his cheek pressed close to Ianto's, “to hear you scream when you come.”

Ianto shivered suddenly, but sadly, not from Jack's words. “I think any coming has to be postponed,” he rumbled back. “Your loss if you're too stingy to heat your pool.”

The dark chuckle in his ear now send delightful shivers of a completely other kind down Ianto's back. Heat suddenly spread over his front as Jack pressed his naked body close. “I'll just have to warm you up.”

“Oh, confident, are we,” Ianto deadpanned, but pressed just a bit closer to Jack, trembling as he felt the man's obvious arousal against his still clothed thigh. The first traces of his own arousal started sizzling through him even despite the cold.

Jack chuckled again. “You have no idea.”

And with that, Jack turned his head, the first hint of stubble dragging against Ianto's skin, until he could reach Ianto's lips.

Relieved, Ianto sighed into the older man's mouth. A spell seemed to be broken, the cold gone all of a sudden, and any lingering doubts or trepidations Ianto may have had evaporated with the feeling of coldness as well. Deepening the kiss, he placed his hands onto Jack's naked flanks, rubbing the soft skin and hard muscles he encountered there.

Groaning into the kiss, Jack thrust his erection against Ianto's crotch while, at the same time, thrust his tongue into Ianto's mouth. Ianto cried out, but the noise was swallowed by Jack's mouth. This felt so good. And his body had definitely decided by now that it didn't give a damn about the cold if the ongoing pleasant, hot tingling in his loins was any indication.

“I want to feel you,” Jack growled against his lips, and in the next second, his strong fingers were at the fastenings of Ianto's Bermuda shorts while he urged him back, back, back until Ianto's shoulder blades hit the edge of the pool.

Totally agreeing, Ianto fumbled to help, and together, they managed to open his shorts, then shove them down his hips together with his underwear. Before Ianto could press closer to Jack again to feel naked skin on naked skin for the first time, Jack suddenly took a deep breath, and sank under the water.

Gasping in surprised shock, Ianto flung his arms out sideways to claw at the edge of the overflow gutter for dear life. He felt his clothes being pulled down his legs and, together with his sneakers, dragged off. He expected Jack to surface again now that he was as naked as the other man, but Jack didn't. Instead, a strong, warm hand splayed over Ianto's right hip, holding on tightly, and then, sizzling warmth and tightness suddenly enveloped his aching cock.

Crying out, he flung his head back, trying to stay absolutely still at the onslaught of sensations while he fought to get enough air into his lungs.

Jack mercilessly sucked his cock down his throat, swallowing once, twice, even a third time, and it was the hardest thing Ianto had ever done to keep himself from coming right that moment like a hormonal teenager. This was amazing, but he wanted more. So much more!

The cold water around his cock when Jack abruptly let him slip from his mouth was shocking, but at least it helped to bring Ianto to his senses a bit again.

Jack broke through the surface, Ianto's sogging wet clothes bunched up in his left fist. Chucking the heavy, dripping bundle behind Ianto in the general direction of the tiles surrounding the pool where they landed with a heavy Splat!, Jack dove in, barely taking any time to come to breath again before plundering Ianto's mouth once more.

Groaning, Ianto kissed Jack back with all the passion that ran hotly through his veins. Wrapping his arms around Jack's back, he pulled the other man flush against him, and finally, finally, naked skin met naked skin. The feeling of smooth skin rubbing against his own, the warmth, the dips and curves of Jack's strong muscles had Ianto moan into the kiss, and he tried to get even closer.

In a sudden move, Jack grasped Ianto's thighs, and heaved him up easily in the water. Giving a surprised, choked off yelp, Ianto instinctively wrapped his legs around Jack's waist.

Pressing Ianto harder into the edge of the pool, Jack thrust against him for the first time, robbing Ianto of any breath he had left in his lungs at the feeling of Jack's cock crashing into his own. Jack did it again, and again, and then changed his rhythm by gently rolling his hips, teasing both of them with the too light friction.

“Harder, Jack,” Ianto gasped.

Grinning, Jack buried his face into the crook of Ianto's neck where he set to work on a spectacular hickey, and gladly complied Ianto's demand. He fell back on thrusting hard against Ianto, and the young man met him thrust for thrust.

Ianto wasn't even embarrassed that he tumbled over the edge so soon. The orgasm crashing through him suddenly swept away every rational thought anyway so that the only thing he could still think about was coming.

Panting heavily, Jack thrust his hips a couple of times more, then he, too, was climaxing. Stiffening in Ianto's arms, the moan that escaped him was almost pornographic, and it made Ianto's spend cock twitch in renewed interest.

Jack slumped against Ianto who in turn was only held up by the hard edge of the pool digging into his upper back. Together, they stayed like that, unmoving; Trying to get their breaths back was their first priority for now.

A sudden peaceful calm washed over Ianto. He'd never felt anything like it before. Sex had never been so spectacular, even if they hadn't done all that much. They hadn't even...

Feeling himself blush at the thought despite everything they had done just now, Ianto slowly became aware of the cool water surrounding them. The pool's edge started becoming really painful now, and would surely leave a bruise, as would the throbbing place on his neck where Jack had worked so hard to mark him – he didn't really mind that bruise so much.

Finally pulling back, Jack looked at Ianto, a myriad of emotions swirling in his pale blue eyes that Ianto couldn't identify.

When Jack smiled at him, Ianto felt as if the sun had broken through the night's darkness, and he felt an inner warmth suffuse him.

Still smiling, Jack leaned in to kiss him softly, almost painfully gentle in contrast to the frantic rutting they had done a couple of minutes ago.

Swallowing heavily, Ianto pulled back eventually, not completely, but just enough that he could talk. His lips still brushed Jack's when he spoke. “I should get back. Early day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you're probably right,” Jack sighed.

Now, Ianto did pull back, and he looked Jack deep in the eyes. “Thank you, Jack. It's been an amazing evening.”

The almost shy smile Jack gifted him with was small, but no less bright than the beaming smile from before. “My pleasure,” he mumbled, and Ianto couldn't help himself; he had to lean in again for one last kiss tonight.

Ianto couldn’t sleep that night. How could he when everything that had transpired between him and Jack still flashed before his eyes in High Resolution and in bright colour. He even thought he could still feel Jack’s hands on his naked skin, his rock-hard cock against his own, Jack’s scent in his nostrils…

Groaning, Ianto pressed the pillow over his face. He behaved like a teenager having had his first sexual experience. He may not be overly experienced, but he was no sodding blushing virgin, for God’s sake! What was it about Jack that caused him to behave like one?

When his alarm went off in the morning, Ianto was cranky and tired. He was pretty glad not to encounter any of the others who’d only have interrogated him until he’d have spilled all his secrets – well, Gwen would have; Tosh would have been too tactful to needle him, and Owen wouldn't have cared.

Sitting at the back of the lecture theatre, Ianto wished he could just close his eyes. But unfortunately, he was way too polite for that even if nobody would have actually noticed.

He jumped when suddenly, a steaming to-go cup of coffee materialised in front of him. Startled, he looked to his right only to be met with the beaming, smug grin of Jack.

“It’s not yours,” the older man whispered, “but it’s pretty decent.”

Ianto cocked a suspicious eyebrow. “What are you doing here?” he hissed back, but nonetheless greedily reached for the cup.

A knowing gleam lightened up Jack’s eyes, and Ianto could have smacked him for it. “I just thought you might be a bit hung over, that’s all.”

“I haven’t been drinking last night, Jack,” he replied dryly.

“No alcohol, that’s true.”

“What, are you suggesting that I was drunk on you?” Ianto snorted, and took a sip of coffee. “You’re awfully full of yourself.”

“Haven’t tried it, but I can tell you, it’s possible.”

Only immense self-control stopped Ianto from spitting out the coffee all over the people in the rows in front of him.

He glared at Jack who just beamed innocently at him. Ianto really wanted to smack him.

“Ah, you got what I meant. I wasn’t so sure.”

“I’m not some dumb country boy,” he growled.

Jack wagged his finger at him. “Never underestimate country boys. Sly old ears, I can tell you.”

“Let me guess,” Ianto deadpanned, “you are a country boy.”

The only answer he got was a shit-eating grin which he only deigned to answer with an eye roll.

“Once again: What are you doing here? Don’t you have a job?” he asked after he had found his inner equilibrium again (Jack was really good unhinging him).

“Not until the afternoon,” Jack shrugged. “Rehearsals.”

If he had been a bit more alert and less hung over, Ianto would have been highly interested in whatever Jack would be doing this afternoon, but as it was, he only nodded meekly, and concentrated on his coffee again.

For a couple of minutes, Jack sat beside him silently, and pretended to listen to whatever the professor was saying. Then, he turned to Ianto again.

“Do you want to go out?”

Ianto raised a dry eyebrow. “Now?”

“Nah, tomorrow evening.”

Cocking his head, Ianto studied the older man for a moment. Instead of turning Jack’s motives over and over in his head, he eventually just said, “Sure, why not”.

“Great.” Out of the blue, Jack leaned over to press an exuberant kiss onto Ianto’s cheek. “Have to go now. I’ll be over at eight in the evening tomorrow.”

And with that, Jack was gone, leaving Ianto staring after him, gobsmacked.

Needless to say that he couldn’t concentrate on even one more word that was being said the rest of the lecture.

Slightly nervous – again –, Ianto fidgeted with the cuffs of his shirt, then decided to roll up his sleeves. Less formal that way.

“Get a grip, Jones,” he growled, and measured his steps down the stairs so that he felt less like an overexcited, giddy pubescent girl going to her first school ball. Yes, a little dignity was just what he needed right now.

Okay, tonight was an actual date, but so what. Last night’s not-date had been fine – more than fine actually –, so there was no reason to freak out now.

The doorbell rang, it was five minutes past eight, and Ianto caught himself hastening his steps a bit again. But Owen was there faster since he was on the verge of leaving himself.

“Ah, you again,” he drawled in his bored manner. “Ianto! Your…”

“Yeah, I know, thanks, Owen,” Ianto pressed forth, and tried not to feel irritated by the man.

Owen raised an eyebrow, but then just shrugged, snatching up his jacket.

“Where’re you off to?” Jack asked, interested.

“Ehm, there’s this party at one of the fraternity houses.”

“Why don’t you go as well?” Jack looked at Ianto questioningly, making the younger man cringe.

“Ah, no. That’s not really my world. Owen’s going to enough of these events for both of us.”

“Oh come on, Ianto. Let’s go, too. That’ll be great.”

Incredulous, Ianto cocked an eyebrow. “I thought we’d…” He chanced a quick glance at Owen who rolled his eyes. Ianto sighed. “Go out.”

“Yeah, sure. But I hadn’t really planned anything, you know.” Jack shrugged. “I wanted to let myself get inspired on our way. And I believe, I just have been inspired.”

Ianto sighed in irritation, but, to be truthful, he couldn’t really be cross with Jack, even if he wanted to. The older man hadn’t promised him a romantic candle light dinner after all.

Shoving out his lower lip in a pout, Jack looked at him pleadingly with puppy eyes. “Please, let’s do this. It’s been ages since I’ve been to such a party.”

Shaking his head in fond exasperation, Ianto finally relented. “Okay, if you want.”

“Yes!” Jack punched the air in victory while Ianto turned to Owen to ask for the address.

It wasn’t very far; they could have walked as well, but, to be honest, Ianto had nothing against letting Jack chauffeur him around town in his trendy sports car.

The party itself turned out exactly as Ianto had feared. Taking place in the house of one of the more popular fraternities, it was crowded, and loud, and chaotic, and there was cheap alcohol and stupid boastful dares. It was every cliché you’d ever seen in bad teen movies, and Ianto hated it on the spot. Jack on the other hand loved it. Where Ianto felt uncomfortable, Jack seemed to feel at home. And he looked the part, too. He with his tanned beach boy look and bright, easy smile that seemed to attract men and women alike.

“You’ll be fine,” Jack suddenly leaned in, and murmured in his ear. “You’re with me.”

And as if that explained everything and indeed made everything okay, Jack uninhibitedly took Ianto’s hand in his, and pulled him into the house, through the hallway and living room, and into the garden.

And for a while, Ianto actually felt fine.

Keeping to the shadows, clinging to a cup of rather stale beer, Ianto watched Jack being the centre of attention. For a while, they had stayed together, meeting new people because of Jack’s uncomplicated, friendly manner so that Ianto was pulled into conversations as well, but at one point, Jack let himself be persuaded (okay, there wasn’t that much persuasion necessary) to a game of strip poker.

And since then, Ianto had stayed in the background alone. He was fine with that though because he was busy watching Jack lose more and more items of clothing – on purpose, Ianto suspected.

His palms felt sweaty, and he put the cup of now warm beer aside before he dropped it in his clumsiness. But the sight of naked skin being revealed, of Jack’s uninhibited, carefree booming laugh send shivers down Ianto’s spine while at the same time, he became unbearably hot.

When Jack was down to his boxer briefs, Ianto suddenly felt hot because of a completely different reason. Because by now, Jack had attracted the wrong kind of attention. A very tipsy group of young women had spotted the group of strip poker players. Twittering excitedly, they approached. And worst of all, Gwen was among them.

Ianto felt his blood boil in his veins as she, as the most daring one, plastered herself to Jack’s naked side, and even had the gall to sit in his lap.

Jack didn’t seem to mind. Laughing, he wrapped an arm around her waist, and simply carried on with the game.

He'd always prided himself to be a very level-headed and rational man; no tendencies to violence or extreme jealousy. But now, Ianto felt hot jealousy bubbling through his veins at seeing all those girls fawn over Jack. When Gwen actually leaned in to press a kiss onto Jack's cheek dangerously close to his mouth, Ianto saw red.

Marching over with dark determination, he stopped next to the poker table, glared at Gwen for a second, and then leaned in to yank Jack into a dirty kiss to stake his claim.

Jack was only too happy to yield to the kiss.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Gwen's eyes widen in shocked realisation. Good. Served her right. He just hoped she felt bad hitting on the man – even if unknowingly – she had wanted Ianto to hook up with.

Jack's eyes were a little glassy when Ianto pulled back, and he himself felt a little dazed – lack of oxygen, surely –, but the little grin Jack turned on to Ianto was proud, and smug, and happy all at once.

Their gazes held fast to each other as if they were in their own little world. The loud music, the bawling, the laughter, everything faded away.

As if in slow motion, Jack slipped Gwen from his lap who seemd glad to get a chance to get out of this embarrassing situation. He didn't even look at her again. Instead, he quickly gathered up his clothes in a bundle and rose.

Throwing the other players a quick, dirty grin, he excused himself with a “Sorry guys, I've got something better to do tonight”.

Ianto was so turned on by now that he wasn't even embarrassed by the catcalls or the lewd comments of “Rather who, right”. He still held fast to Jack's eyes.

“Come. Let's get out of here.”

Jack suddenly grasped Ianto's hand and pulled him away, out of the house and back into Jack's car.

The drive back to Jack's was like a haze for Ianto. He felt numb, but at the same time, he felt everything. And he was overly aware of the man sitting beside him, the pull so strong that Ianto had to grip the edges of his seat to stop himself from reaching out, and dragging Jack into a kiss here and now.

In unspoken agreement, Ianto followed Jack into his house, and the moment the door banged shut behind them, they were all over each other.

Suddenly, they were in Jack's bedroom, and were wearing a lot less clothes than they had downstairs (not that Jack had been wearing all that much to begin with; they should probably be glad that they hadn't been stopped by the police on their drive back). For the life of him, Ianto couldn't tell how they got up here or how he'd lost his clothes.

Solving that mystery wasn't on the list of his priorities right now though, because in the next second, all reason for rational thought vanished completely as Jack urged him backwards, all the while kissing him until the backs of Ianto's legs hit the edge of the bed.

Taking a leap of faith, he let himself fall back, and he took Jack with him. Bouncing on the mattress for a moment, Ianto pulled the other man into a breathtaking kiss once they lay still again, Jack's weight pressing him into the mattress a comfortable feeling.

Finally, they were both naked, and Ianto basked once more in the heady feeling of Jack's naked body moving against his own. This time though, without cold water surrounding them, the experience was even more intense.

“Just relax,” Jack whispered.

Nodding shakily, Ianto did as he was told, and relaxed back into the pillows, surrendering completely to Jack.

Jack descended on him, taking Ianto apart with his lips, his hands, his voice, the warmth of his skin. He played Ianto's body like a violin virtuoso his instrument, taking him to new heights he never thought existed.

Being high on Jack and the ecstasy the man brought him, Ianto arched up into Jack's touch. He whimpered with pleasure as Jack made his way down Ianto's body, teasing his nipples, his belly-button until he finally reached his crotch. Ianto sighed in relief when Jack's hot mouth closed around his cock. He had felt the sensation only once, but it was all coming back again. If he wasn't careful, he would get addicted to Jack.

Ianto couldn't help himself, he bucked into Jack's mouth, but the older man didn't seem to mind taking him so deep. Letting Ianto slip from his mouth again, Jack looked up to him, then winked. “Don't hold back. I want to hear your moans. I want you to let go.”

Panting heavily, Ianto nodded shakily.

And let go he did. He couldn't not to. With Jack humming encouragingly around his cock, Ianto thrust up for the first time, burying himself impossibly deep in Jack's throat. He was afraid to hurt him, but the only noise Jack made were ones of delight, and so, Ianto shoved away the last of his doubts and trepidations, and snapped his hips up. Again and again, burying himself in that snug, wet heat until he couldn't think of anything any more; the only thing his oversensitive body could feel, could think of was getting deeper into that heat.

He actually screamed when Jack swallowed around him at the next thrust down his throat. Nobody had ever...

It felt so good, he had to do it again.

Digging his fingers into the flesh of Ianto's buttocks, Jack pulled his groin closer to his face, encouraging Ianto to go even deeper, even faster while he took in laboured breaths through his nose.

Ianto's whole body felt like a drawn bow, and he sensed, every second now, that he would snap.

He wailed as Jack suddenly let him slip from his mouth, but this time, it felt final. He bucked up helplessly, wanting Jack's mouth back around his aching cock now!

Grinning, Jack slithered up his unsatisfied body to capture the younger man's mouth in a wet kiss. Ianto wanted to smack him nonetheless.

Pulling back again, Jack leaned in close to Ianto's ear while pressing his hips down firmly into Ianto's crotch.

“Have you ever had a man inside of you, Ianto?”

“No.” Ianto's breath shuddered, and his whole body trembled at the sound of Jack's dark, rough voice and the promise that voice whispered into his ear. “You know I haven't.”

“Do you want me?”

He didn't hesitate for even one second with his answer. “Yes.”

Jack made a satisfied, happy noise, and then leaned over to his bedside table, rummaging around in the top drawer for lube and condoms.

Ianto's breath hitched when he spied the items in Jack's hand, but the older man threw him a reassuring smile. “Relax. I'll take very good care of you.”

Nodding mutely because he trusted Jack, Ianto let himself sink into the mattress once again as Jack sat up to settle between Ianto's willingly spread thighs.

Watching Jack squeeze some sticky lube onto his fingers, Ianto couldn't help but shudder. In anticipation. In fear. In excitement. He was bursting with this myriad of feelings.

His gaze strayed down Jack's naked body as he got the chance to really look at him for the first time. Miles and miles of smooth, golden skin over hard muscles and small, pebbled nipples practically begged to be explored. And... Ianto swallowed heavily when he took in Jack's hard cock for the first time. His size was almost obscene, and, paired with jittery excitement, worry started to creep up on him. Surely that huge, magnificent specimen would never fit inside of him...

He sucked in a sharp breath when suddenly, Jack's finger, covered with cool gel, touched his entrance.

“It's okay,” Jack smiled, and started just massaging the twitching muscle for a long while until Ianto relaxed eventually. He nodded at Jack to continue.

It felt strange when Jack slipped a finger inside of him; strange, but not painful. But it didn't even feel particularly good either, it just felt good because of the implications, because _Jack_ was _inside_ of him.

Jack took his time with him, sliding the one finger in and out slowly, patiently, and only added a second when he thought Ianto loose enough. Having two fingers inside of himself made Ianto cringe. It was starting to get uncomfortable, and he felt so full, so stretched. Jack gently petted and caressed Ianto's quivering thigh like he would an agitated horse.

“Don't fight me,” Jack advised. “Just go with the feeling. Bear down on my fingers, then it'll get better.”

Nodding, Ianto followed Jack's instructions, and he felt better now indeed.

Any thought of unease or even pain was forgotten when Jack suddenly quickly stabbed his fingers inside of him, thrusting them deep and crooking them. Fireworks exploded inside of Ianto, and he screamed.

When he came down from the sudden high, he met Jack's smug grin. He wanted to glare at the other man but could only stare stupidly at him.

“Do you want more?”

“Yes, goddamnit!”

Chuckling, Jack pulled out his fingers to add more lube, only to return with three fingers now.

Groaning, Ianto bucked into Jack's touch, his soft cries filling the air of the bedroom as Jack fucked him with his fingers for long, long minutes. Every now and then, he would deliberately crash his fingertips into _that_ spot, and Ianto saw stars again. He felt his groin tightening, the familiar tingling at his spine, and he wanted to sob in relief but also disappointment that the exquisite torture would be over so soon.

Jack, having watched his reactions closely, saw how close Ianto was, and therefore quickly pulled out his fingers. The outraged, desperate, needy wail that tumbled from Ianto's lips at the action wasn't particularly dignified, but in that moment, he just didn't care. He just didn't want it to be over yet.

“Jack!” he shouted, angry, frustrated, and he glared at Jack accusingly.

That smug smile was back on Jack's lips, and if he wouldn't look so damn hot with it or if Ianto would have been able to move in the first place, he would have smacked the older man.

Going unpunished, Jack leaned forwards until their chests almost brushed. Jack's lips touched Ianto's, but he didn't capture them in a kiss. Instead, he whispered against the younger man's lips, his hot breath caressing Ianto's skin, making it tingle. “Are you ready now, Ianto?” he whispered, his voice rough and low with arousal. Ianto shivvered at the seductive tone. “Are you ready for me to have you? Don't be afraid, I'll take good care of you. I'll make you feel so good.” Jack lowered his upper body a bit more until he was finally flush with Ianto's heaving chest, and he spread his knees a bit apart so he could roll his groin against Ianto's. He sucked in a sharp breath when their flushed erections rubbed together, and he basked in Ianto's low moan. Desperately, Ianto pushed his hips up into Jack's, hoping to get more friction like that. For a couple of seconds, Jack allowed it, enjoying the sensations immensely himself.

“Yes,” Ianto panted, the sharp sparks of arousal rushing through his body rendering him unable to form any words that were in any way intelligent. “I want you.”

Dipping his head so he could kiss him now in earnest, Jack made a happy noise into Ianto's mouth, but angled the rest of his body away. Ianto couldn't really see what Jack was doing, he was much too occupied with being snogged silly, but suddenly, Jack's fingers were back at his entrance, slick and cool with more lube.

Only for a moment though.

After Jack had slicked him up even more, he pulled his hand away, and in the next second, Ianto felt something smooth and much bigger bumb the twitching muscles of his entrance, applying gentle, insistent pressure. His breath caught, and he almost choked. Gasping, he turned his head away so he could get in enough air for the moment, and immediately, Jack lowered his head to do unspeakable things to Ianto's neck that would surely leave a mark. For a second, he was distracted – which was probably what Jack intended –, but not enough that Ianto lost track of what was really about to happen. He pushed back against the insistent nudging against his entrance, welcoming Jack in. Because this was it. Any moment now, he would feel Jack slide inside him for the first time.

Jack put his warm hand onto Ianto's chest, pressing down a bit. “Breathe,” he reminded him against Ianto's trembling lips. Nodding jerkily, Ianto complied, and drew in a deep breath, pushing up against Jack's hand. The pressure at his hole intesified suddenly, and his breathing sped up. Panting, he looked up into Jack's calming blue eyes.

“You're doing so good,” Jack cooed. “Just a bit more.”

And suddenly, the latex-covered head of Jack's erection popped through the ring of muscle, and he slid inside Ianto's well-slicked passage, deeper and deeper, as if he would never stop. Ianto groaned at the feeling, at the thought of Jack sliding so, so deep inside of his body.

“Good,” Jack praised, but he wasn't completely unaffected by what was happening between them either; his chest heaved as he drew in deep breaths, and the muscles in his arms twitched as he tried to hold himself propped up above Ianto's trembling body. “Deep breaths.”

Ianto nodded jerkily, and did as Jack told him to as he gave him time to adjust to the huge intrusion, but eventually, the discomfort started to fade, and Ianto started writhing impatiently. He adored Jack even more that he wanted to give him enough time to get used to the feeling of having him inside him, but he needed more right now.

An automatic smile stretched Jack's lips as Ianto began to wriggle in impatience, so, without a word, he straightened, pulling Ianto's splayed thighs over his lap, and placed his hands onto Ianto's sweat-slicked flanks. Their eyes met for a second, and just for a moment, time seemed to stand still. Then, Ianto nodded jerkily. Jack replied with a nod of his own as he was being granted permission to proceed. Tightening his hold around Ianto's middle, he drew back slightly before he snapped his hips forward to bury himself deeply in his lover again.

Ianto cried out, gulping in huge breaths as he tried to breath away the burning pain that returned all of a sudden as Jack's steel-hard cock impaled him completely.

“Relax,” Jack told him, “and continue breathing deeply. I know it hurts at first, but that will fade, I promise.”

Trusting Jack, Ianto tried to relax in Jack's gentle hold while he drew in deep, controlled breaths. Jack pumped into him again, and then again, and gradually, the pain of his thrusts faded, and it started to feel good in a strange kind of way. Pleasure sizzled and sparked from his lower body as Jack's cock rubbed over nerve-endings Ianto hadn't even known existed or could be so sensitive. Slowly, the pleasure started spreading through his veins, and he bucked his hips up for more.

Suddenly, Jack angled his thrusts just so that Ianto jerked violently in his arms as he hit his prostate dead on. Ianto's panting cries filled the room as Jack battered that sweet spot over and over now that he'd found it.

“Jack, please!” he begged, his voice becoming a sob, and tears streamed from his eyes as the pleasure became too much, almost breaking him apart.

Realising Ianto's distress, Jack slowed down, once more changing the angle of his thrusts so that he brushed Ianto's prostate only with every other thrust. He leaned over Ianto again, the younger man's trembling thighs slipping from his lap onto the mattress as Jack laid onto Ianto, their sweat-slicked chests pressing flush against each other so that both men could feel the other's rapid heart beat. Propped up on his elbows left and right from Ianto's head, Jack looked down on him, looked him deep in the eyes as his body stilled for a moment. A look of wonder shown in his eyes as he regarded Ianto, but, to be truthful, Ianto felt the same. He still couldn't comprehend how such a breathtaking, awesome creature like Jack could have any interest in him. But he saw it in his eyes, saw the love reflected there. It spread through Ianto as well, warming him deep into his soul, but he wasn't ready yet to say it out loud. Neither was Jack, it seemed, but for now, words were superfluous. When Jack started moving again, only gently rolling his hips with Ianto meeting him thrust for thrust, their bodies moving in a sineous dance together towards completion, everything became clear between them even without words.

Ianto's whole body felt sluggish but at the same time ached in countless places (which wasn't necessarily a bad thing). He fought against the sleep that wanted to creep up on him, though. He just _couldn't_ fall asleep yet. Impossible! He needed to share the moment with Jack for a while longer.

Obviously, the older man felt the same because after Jack had cleaned them both up, and they'd settled down comfortably under the blankets, Jack pulling Ianto into his arms until the younger man's head lay pillowed on Jack's shoulder, he started to talk.

“My first love?”

Jack nodded, interest shining in his eyes.

“Well... I was fourteen, and she was two years older than me. I was an awkward, slightly chubby kid, so she wasn't really impressed.” Ianto shrugged a shoulder, and started drawing circles on Jack's chest with one finger. “But I'm stubborn as well, so one day, I marched up to her, and just kissed her, right in front of all of her cool friends, tongue and all.”

“You didn't!” Jack snickered.

“I did. She punched me, but afterwards, she told me that she'd been impressed with my bravery. We went out for a milkshake.”

“Aahh, how sweet. What happened? Was she your first?”

“Yes. Nobody was more surprised – or shocked – than me. One day, she said that I had to become a man, she dragged me up to her room, and we just did it.”

By now, Jack had tears streaming down his face, and he utterly failed reigning in the booming laughter that wanted to burst out of him.

“Be nice,” Ianto admonished, and slapped Jack's chest although with a sheepish grin on his face. “I was traumatised.”

“Yeah,” Jack cuckled, “I can imagine.”

“So what about you, then, Mr.? I'm sure your first time was all grand passion and completely mature, no teenage fumbling for you,” Ianto needled sarcastically.

Jack shrugged, a self-satisfied little smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Of course. We were completely cool about it.”

“Boy or girl?”

“Both.”

Ianto almost choked on his own breath. “No way!”

“Yes, it's true! As you know, I'm a country boy, and we had this huge barn with the most perfect hayloft. My two best friends and I nicked my father's booze, and got completely pissed up in the hayloft. We started snogging and making out like pros...” Jack paused for dramatic effect. “And then we passed out.”

“Oh yeah, that's incredibly mature.” Ianto rolled his eyes.

Jack shrugged again, amused. “When we were sober again, I really had sex with her. He became jealous, we got into a fight with each other, and then did it, too.”

Ianto shook his head in fond exasperation. “Only you, Jack, only you.”

The man had the audacity to grin at Ianto self-righteously.

“But what about relationships?” Ianto asked more serious again.

That sobered Jack up a bit as well.

“I... don't have the best track-record when it comes to relationships.”

“So you _did_ speak from personal experience, did you?”

Jack frowned slightly in confusion.

“The not letting it drag you under and start anew bit,” Ianto clarified.

“Oh, yeah. I suppose.”

“I wondered,” Ianto said softly, and immediately pressed closer as he saw how uncomfortable Jack suddenly was.

“I had this... thing with a colleague until recently,” Jack eventually elaborated. Ianto wanted to protest, but Jack shook his head. “No, it's okay. Anyway, it was only sex. We were... well, pretty destructive together and for each other. All the while, I was pining for this other guy though. He's the manager of a friend of mine. But he has only eyes for her.” Jack shrugged self-deprecatingly. “I still can't let go of him completely. Stupid, I know. The worst mistake though was this guy I entered into something like a relationship with, years ago, but he soon realised that he liked women more than me, so he left me. Broke my heart. Because of him, I thought my whole life was over. Shortly before I met him, I'd started taking musical courses. I wanted to become a musical star so badly. The break-up pulled me down so much that I quit. I let my chance pass.”

“I'm sorry,” Ianto said softly, and raised his hand to caress Jack's face, but the older man shook his head.

“I'm not telling you so you can feel sorry for me. I do it that you understand who I am. I don't know if I'm any good at relationships.”

Trying to lighten the mood, Ianto cocked an eyebrow dryly. “Who said anything about a relationship?”

Jack returned the gesture with a small grin. “Just a thought I had.”

Shaking his head with a fond smile, Ianto became serious again. “I never had a real relationship, Jack. I'm afraid I'm no good at such things either. But...” He bit his lip, and for a split second, he debated if he should take the risk. But one look into Jack's soulfull blue eyes took the decision right out of Ianto's hands. “I'm willing to try if you want.”

“Really?” A happy little smile brightened up Jack's whole face. “We don't even know each other that well.”

“Should have thought about that before tumbling into bed together,” Ianto replied sarcastically. “But like you said; you making me do all those unconventional things is good for me.”

“Oh yeah.” Jack grinned. “Incredibly good, I promise.”

Grinning, Ianto snuggled up to Jack, and finally let sleep claim him.

It was mid-morning when Ianto tip-toed back over, and he prayed that he wouldn't run into any of his housemates while sneaking back up to his room.

But because his mind was still occupied with the thought of waking up in Jack's arms this morning and even more with the things they had done after waking up, he wasn't very attentive of his surroundings. As it was, he ran right into Gwen who immediately seemed to realise what had happened judging by the shocked widening of her eyes.

Having to go to her lectures was the only reason Ianto escaped relatively unharmed and with his private life still private.

He skipped his own lectures that day though.

That night, he met Jack again. They right out skipped the pretense of going out, and directly tumbled into Jack's bed. The passion they experienced together this time was as heady and addictive as it had been the night before, and Ianto wanted it to never end.

Jack didn't have time for him the next day, but Ianto decided he should maybe make an appearance at his lectures anyway. He felt a bit bad that he neglected his studies so much, but after all, it was all Jack's fault; that man was irresistible.

Like a junky, he was therefore quite jittery until he met Jack again after not seeing him for a whole day. Withdrawal symptoms, no doubt. But Jack seemed tired that evening, and so, after a quiet, comfortable meal together, Ianto set out to help Jack relax by pampering him a bit.

Turned out giving a blowjob wasn't as difficult as he'd feared.

Ianto was exhausted. He'd just written a test that he'd passed as if through a miracle since his motivation for learning (at least learning in the academic sense) had been very poorly lately.

So, when Owen greeted him with a huge, smug grin as soon as Ianto had set foot into the house, he just wanted to snap at the man.

“Come with me,” Owen simply said, and actually dragged a protesting Ianto upstairs into the wanna-be medic's room.

“Sit.”

Opening his mouth to protest some more, Ianto thought about it, and, sighing in exasperation, slumped onto the only chair in Owen's room to get it over with as quickly as he could.

Warily, he watched his housemate, at a loss as to what Owen was up to.

Ianto blinked in confusion when Owen fiddled around with his TV and DVD player, starting a film.

Incredulous, Ianto stared at the screen for a few seconds as he realised what kind of movie was playing before he turned wide eyes onto Owen.

“Owen, please. What's all this about? Can't you watch this on your own?”

But Owen just smiled smugly, and pointed at the TV with his chin. “Just wait and see. This is marvellous.”

Sighing in exasperation once more, Ianto decided to amuse the medic, and turned back to the film.

He felt his cheeks heating when he just sat there and watched a porn movie with Owen Harper standing right beside him.

What the heck was the man playing at? Did he...

Ianto's thoughts came to a full stop. Actually, every vital function in his body did seem to come to a stop, including his heart and breathing. His eyes almost bulged from their sockets, and he had to actually blink and rub them.

But it didn't help.

The horrible sight was still there, playing out right in front of him.

“That's...”

He couldn't continue. He was amazed that he had been able to utter a word at all in the first place.

“Yep,” Owen smirked gleefully, and Ianto could imagine his smug, even malicious smirk. He wanted to punch it away. “You pulled yourself a porn star!”

Ianto felt his whole body tremble in shame, shock, disgust, and whatever else, and he couldn't turn his eyes away from the screen even though that's what he wanted to do desperately right now. Therefore, he had to watch Jack, his Jack! on screen, fucking some red-headed woman who was moaning like a bitch in heat because of the fierce pounding she was receiving from Ianto's boyfriend!

“Have you two fucked already?” Owen asked, his voice reaching Ianto's ears as if through cotton wool. The Londoner snorted. “Of course you have, sorry. Saw the hickey at your neck, and don't think we all noticed that you weren't at home the last couple of nights. Question is...” Owen advanced, and emerged in Ianto's line of sight, but the younger man wasn't really seeing him, “is he as good at it as it looks like in there? He must have some tricks up his sleeve you can benefit from.”

“I didn't know,” Ianto mumbled numbly, just so he had something to say to make Owen shut up for a second.

Owen snorted. “Obvious.” The scrawny man cocked his head. “But how on Earth didn't you recognise him?! Every normal hot-blooded human male knows who Captain Jack Hardness is. He's a god for us mere mortals.”

“Yeah, maybe I'm not a normal hot-blooded human male,” Ianto snapped back viciously, Owen's dismissive attitude suddenly being enough to snap him out of his daze. “I don't watch porn, sorry.”

Owen snorted once more. “Why am I not surprised.”

“Stop it, Owen!” Ianto hissed. “That's not funny.”

“Oh, I think it's funny.”

“Then why didn't _you_ recognise him?” Ianto spat, lashing out although he knew that nothing he said could touch Owen in any way, not like it did the other way round.

“He seemed familiar right from the start. But, you see, I don't watch these movies because of the blokes.” Owen shrugged. “I made the connection eventually, didn't I.”

“Owen... just... just stop talking, okay,” Ianto begged, actually _begged_ Owen Harper, but he didn't care any more by now.

Before the medic had the chance to spew forth any more hurtful jabs, Ianto rose on trembling knees, and stumbled from Owen's room as fast as he could. The other man didn't stop him.

He felt like throwing up, but he gritted his teeth, and stumbled into his room instead, wanting to lick his wounds in peace. It didn't bear contemplating if, in his agitated state, he'd run into Gwen who would have wanted to talk.

No.

The only thing he had left right now was his dignity, and he would guard it with all he had.

The rage and shock that numbed his whole body at the moment would fade eventually, and then, there would be nothing left but feeling sorry for himself and feeling like a complete fool.

Fully clothed, Ianto crawled into his bed, and pulled the blanket up to his hears, his back to the room so that he wouldn't even have the chance to see if there was some sign of life outside the window in the other house.

Tears pricked at his eyes, but he refused to shed them like a twelve-year old girl.

When the doorbell rang some time later, the sky outside darkening already, Ianto remembered that he was supposed to meet Jack this evening. He didn't even have the other man's number so that he could have cancelled their date.

Pfft. Date.

What a farce, now that Ianto knew the truth about Jack.

He didn't react to the doorbell, nor did he react to the muffled voices he could hear from downstairs.

When footsteps sounded on the stairs, he tensed for a moment, and hoped that it wasn't Jack; he didn't feel strong enough for that confrontation yet.

But it was just Gwen who, after knocking, gingerly stuck her head into his room.

“Ianto?”

She sounded surprised because there was no light on.

“Are you okay?”

Her voice sounded closer now, but Ianto didn't turn around in bed to face her.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, dearly hoping she would just go away.

“Jack's here.”

“Tell him I'm tired.”

“But...”

“ _Please_ , Gwen.”

She must have heard something in his voice because after a couple of moments of silence, she murmured a soft “Okay”, and then, he heard the door closing behind her again. Silence once more descended over the room, and Ianto breathed a sigh of relief.

Ianto knew that he couldn't avoid Jack forever, but when he ran into the other man the next day by chance in front of their houses, he couldn't help but be evasive and dismissive.

Jack's face fell when Ianto told him that he didn't have the time at the moment, that he had to study for some important tests. He wanted to slap Jack when the older man offered to learn with him, an innuendo-laden gleam in his blue eyes.

Ianto ignored him.

When he reached the lecture theatre, hoping he was safe here from Jack for a while, he chided himself a coward.

Why hadn't he confronted Jack just now? Waiting and avoiding him would only make it worse. And surely he didn't hesitate because of that small, insistent voice in the back of his head (not Gwen this time, fortunately) that everything would be alright. Something in him wanted to cling to what they had, and maybe when he talked things through with Jack, they could find a solution. But the way he felt right now, he _didn't_ want to find a solution. Maybe he was beeing overdramatic about the whole thing...

Two days later, Jack cornered Ianto after a lecture. He thought his heart would stop beating for a second when he spied the older man outside the lecture theatre, concern and determination written clearly on his handsome face and in the stance of his body.

When he saw Ianto, he unfolded his tightly curled arms from in front of his chest, and advanced on him.

Swallowing heavily, Ianto steeled himself for that confrontation. Jack had chosen the worst time and place ever, but Ianto could see that he wouldn't be satisfied with Ianto's half-assed excuses any more.

“What are you doing here?” Ianto asked nonetheless, and didn't stop walking, hoping to find a more secluded spot somewhere in the hallways. Jack followed him.

“You're avoiding me,” Jack stated without preamble. “What's going on?”

“Nothing. I'm fine.”

Jack frowned at Ianto's crisp, dismissive tone.

Finally, Ianto deemed the place deserted enough for what would happen and stopped. He turned to face Jack, but couldn't meet his eyes.

They stood facing each other for a few very awkward moments, Ianto unable to say something or even look at Jack, Jack unsure about Ianto's peculiar behaviour.

The older man cocked his head and frowned as he studied Ianto's miserable face. “Did something happen?” he asked, and Ianto clearly heard the concern in the man's voice.

Jack bridged the distance between them with one long stride to take Ianto into his arms, but instinctively, Ianto shrinked back from him, finally looking at Jack with a mixture of lingering shock and accusation.

Jack then regarded him strangely, his expression suddenly almost shuttered. “You know.”

“Yeah.” Ianto shuffled around nervously, and looked away again. “Owen saw you. In... you know...”

Ianto didn't want to look at him any more. Couldn't, actually.

“Ianto, I...” Jack stopped, not sure what he was supposed to say in this situation.

“Did you have a good laugh? With your _colleagues_ perhaps?” Ianto snapped, suddenly feeling like a cornered animal that didn't know better than to strike out.

“What?” Jack exclaimed incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

“I can't think of any other reason why a man as experienced as you would be with a stupid almost-virgin like me except if it's a bad joke on my account.”

“Ianto, that's stupid!” Jack shouted, and advanced on him to grip his shoulders, hard, almost shaking him. “Are you listening to what you're saying?”

“Then tell me, Jack!” Ianto demanded, finally meeting the other man's eyes again, his own eyes wide and haunted. “I don't know what to think any more, what this... thing between us is.” He searched Jack's face, needing an answer, but the older man was so dumbstruck that he couldn't think of anything to say.

Suddenly overcome with fury at Jack's silence, Ianto freed himself from Jack's grip to bring some distance between them again. “I can't talk to you right now,” he ranted, then snorted without any humour. “At least we used condoms.”

Shocked, Jack reared back as if slapped. He was struck speechless for a moment. “What does that mean?” he breathed disbelievingly, but slowly, white-hot anger seared up inside of him as well. “You think just because I shoot porn movies that I... I don't know, have Aids or whatever? That we're all fucking without condoms?!” He was shouting now, glaring at Ianto accusingly and hurt.

“Well, there's a lot of talk about the business,” Ianto snapped back defensively, at least feeling bad about that last comment.

“Yes, I know,” Jack seethed. “I may not always be the brightest bulb in the lamp, and yes, I like making a night of it, living my life to the fullest, but I'm not suicidal.”

“Didn't look like it,” Ianto grumbled viciously. Jack froze completely at that, and he stared at the younger man.

“How dare you,” he breathed. “I wouldn't have thought you such a malicious bitch.”

“This is a shock for me, Jack!” Ianto shouted, glaring fiercely at the other man. “How do you think I feel?! I feel so... so used and tainted. You hurt me!”

“It's not the end of the world,” Jack tried to down-play the situation, but failed miserably; his whole body was trembling in hurt rage, and his control over this whole situation was slowly slipping through his fingers. “I have a lot of colleagues who live in normal relationships despite doing this job.”

“Aargh, shut up!” Agitated, Ianto started to pace like a caged tiger. He didn't want to hear this. At the moment, he wasn't capapble of any of the rational thinking he normally prided himself with. He just wanted to hurt Jack to feel less hurt himself. “Why didn't you tell me?!”

“And how should I have done that?!” Jack shouted back, furious and helpless.

“Oh, I don't know, but I'm not the one who's always brutally honest, and don't mince matters,” Ianto scoffed. “I'm sure you would have found the right moment.”

“Before or after fucking you?” Jack spat sardonically, striding over to Ianto again and intercepting his pacing. He grasped his upper arm, and spun him around. His beseeching gaze bore into Ianto's eyes. “Ianto... How should I have told you?” Jack suddenly deflated right before Ianto's eyes. All the anger and hurt bled from him, only leaving a deep sadness, and his hand slipped from Ianto's arm. He wouldn't meet the younger man's eyes. “I liked how you looked at me,” Jack whispered. “Without knowing who I am and what I'm doing.”

“Why _are_ you doing it?” Ianto asked, completely puzzled, and now it was him who grasped Jack's shoulder to get the other man to look at him. “What about your musical studies? You're so good.”

Jack shrugged bitterly. “I told you, it didn't work out. And one day, I saw an advertisement in some magazine. I thought, why not, and just did it. 'T was good money, and I love sex, so...” He shrugged again. “That's how I started in this business, and it went uphill pretty quickly from then on.”

“You're better than that,” Ianto argued, his own anger brushed aside for the moment. “You can get out.”

“You make it sound like something shameful,” Jack spat. “As if I'm a whore.”

Ianto gritted his teeth, and hardened his expression. “No, you do that. If it's completely normal like you want to make me believe, then you wouldn't have been ashamed to tell me. You would have told me on that first evening.”

“It's not that easy,” Jack whispered. “The whole world loves their porn movies, and they adore what we're doing in their perverse voyeuristic pleasure, there are whole conventions dedicated to that business, but believe me, most people can't actually deal with it when they have a friend who's in this business. I learned the hard way by losing the few friends I had outside the business. That's how I lost my brother. He's still not speaking to me.”

The first thing that came to Ianto's mind was that he didn't know Jack had a brother, but he pushed the thought back as unimportant for the moment.

“I would have...”

“What?!” Jack hissed. “Understood me? Don't make yourself nobler than you are, Ianto. You wouldn't have.”

“You didn't give me a chance to,” Ianto accused him. The accusation actually hurt. Surely, he would have?

“For good reason. Look at us now!”

Ianto indeed looked at Jack long and hard for a couple of minutes, thinking everything and nothing at the same time until he came to the bitter realization that he actually didn't know how he would have reacted. He wanted to tell himself that Jack's job didn't matter, surely, if other people could be married to a porn actor and lead a happy life together, why couldn't he, but judging from how he was feeling right now, he sensed that it would have mattered. He probably wouldn't have come together with Jack if he'd known, wouldn't have fallen in l...

Biting the inside of his cheek viciously to stop going there, Ianto's shoulders suddenly deflated, and he looked as sad and lost as Jack had only a few minutes before.

“You promised that this relationship would be good for me,” Ianto whispered in a flat voice. He shook his head sadly, a final ring to the movement. “But the only thing it does at the moment is hurt me.”

“Ianto...” Pleadingly, Jack tried to catch his gaze.

“No.” Backing away, Ianto walked around Jack so he could make a hasty retreat down the thankfully deserted hallway. “Just... just let me. I can't. Not right now.”

And with that, he rushed away, at least trying not to run; there was some dignity left inside him he wanted to maintain after all.

He didn't look back as he left Jack standing alone in the corridor.

After that cut – which felt horribly final –, the first thing Ianto did was getting himself tested. His blind fury about Jack's lies had prevented him from seeing reason the last few days, but now, his head was clear again. Crystal clear. Rational thinking returned with a vengeance which made him realise what could have happened while sleeping with a porn actor. Maybe it wasn't fair to Jack thinking like that, but he just couldn't help that these thoughts were haunting him.

He was so afraid that he had caught some STI or worse that he overcame his natural inhibitions and shame, and went to see a doctor right away. All the while, he scolded himself how stupid he had been.

That done, Ianto barricaded himself in his room for the rest of the day and a good part of the next. He didn't want to talk to anybody, and although he saw the concern in Tosh's eyes when he met her by chance in the corridor on his way to the bathroom, she respected his wish for privacy.

Unlike Gwen. Snapping at her to mind her own business did the trick though. It was rude and awfully uncharacteristic of him, but Ianto couldn't endure her doe-eyed, over-dramatic concern at the moment. He was afraid of what he would do if he finally snapped.

For once in his life, Owen didn't underestimate Ianto and probably feared what he would do as well, so he made himself scarce for the time being, holing himself up in the labs of the medical faculty or getting wasted at parties.

To add fuel to his fears until the results of his tests arrived, Ianto threw himself into research about the porn industry. And found his concerns confirmed; to his growing horror, he found out that since the beginning of the millenium, more and more studios disregarded the use of condoms since they thought that the risks of infection were reduced to a minimum these days, so what. This disregard had a monetary aspect as well, of course; it simply didn't fit in with the fantasy people had of the films which, in retrospect, were more difficult to sell if condoms were used. The thought made Ianto sick, and he became furious that the actors agreed to this, sometimes _had_ to agree to this. After all, it was their health, not that of the studio bosses who wanted to make money. A couple of actors had even died of Aids because of having unprotected sex! What kind of people stood for something like that?! Didn't the producers have a responsibility or a consciousness?

He didn't know about Jack. Did he have a contract with only one studio? Or more? How did that work? And did he work for a studio that gave a shit about their actors' health just because of the profit?

Maybe he should...

No.

Ianto snapped his laptop shut.

He'd done more than enough research for now, and learned more about the porn industry than he'd liked; it would last him a lifetime.

But... he just couldn't forget Jack.

No matter what he did, apparently everything reminded him of the older man. It slowly drove him to despair.

Two days after their... confrontation, Ianto folded, and once more powered up his laptop. He simply had to know.

He'd never thought himself a masochist, but here he was, soaking up every scrap of information he could get on “Captain Jack Hardness”. His eyes widened when he saw the huge list of films Jack had done, both gay porn and straight, and once more, he wanted to be sick when he imagined Jack with all those people. Ianto sensed a dark heat bubbling up inside of him, and it took him some time to recognise it as simple jealousy.

Disgust was thrown into the mix when Ianto discovered that there were actual _awards_ directors, movies or actors could win for their performances, just like the Oscars; and that Jack had won a lot of those awards. This was so crazy! Maybe he'd been too sheltered until now, maybe he overreacted, but nonetheless, this was too much.

Hot shame coursed through him when he sneaked into Owen's room to nick a couple of his porn DVDs Jack starred in. How low he'd sunk, but he couldn't help himself, he had to see the bitter truth for himself. It was like willingly climbing onto the pyre.

Watching with the sound muted to spare himself the ridicolous, theatralic moaning and panting, Ianto cowered on his bed, his eyes glued to the laptop screen in front of him. It was telling that he didn't even feel one iota of arousal watching this. His body stayed numb even when he saw Jack naked and aroused on the screen. It only fed his jealousy.

But once again, it wasn't enough. Ianto felt a restlessness inside of him that slowly ate him up. What was he missing? He'd looked up all there was about Jack, about his stellar career, even humiliated himself by watching these films, watching his boyfr... Jack have sex with other people for the world's perverse viewing pleasures. It should be enough. It should be enough to draw the line under this relationship, but he couldn't.

Ianto realised what it was when the camera screened in on the writhing woman under Jack, her big breasts bouncing with every hard thrust, her full mouth wide open as she moaned and screamed shamelessly, her voluptuous blond hair spread out over the pillow beneath her head. Although it made him burn with jealousy, it somehow wasn't real. Watching Jack have sex with a woman somehow didn't convince his brain of the reality of the situation since Ianto himself wasn't a woman. No. He sensed that it would only get through if he watched...

Stopping the film and almost viciously extracting the disc from his laptop, Ianto went online again. It took him some time, but eventually, he stumbled upon a couple of websites with gay porn. They offered short snippets as a teaser for potential subscribers, but it wasn't enough. Finally, Ianto found a rather dodgy site that offered films for free.

Taking in a deep, calming (good luck with that) breath, he clicked on the first clip that featured Jack.

Shame, fury, jealousy, all flared up inside of him again while watching, but he pulled through. Desperately, Ianto watched closely for some kind of hint. He needed the confirmation that what he'd had with Jack was different – real – than that mindless buggering in front of the camera. That, for Jack, Ianto wasn't like any of the countless people Jack had fucked for the job, that he was more. And although he indeed did see the difference, did see the different expression in Jack's eyes – concentration, emptiness as opposed to the passion and love he had seen in the man's eyes when Jack had looked at Ianto while making l... having sex –, it didn't give him any peace or hope. On the contrary. When he watched Jack get fucked by a heavily muscled, tattooed guy, the only thing that rose inside of Ianto together with the bile was regret. This was something he'd never had with Jack, he'd never possessed the other man like that. It simply hadn't happened yet.

And maybe now, it never would. Probably.

A weight finally lifting from his shoulders, Ianto snapped the laptop shut once and for all.

Burying himself in his studies over the next couple of days worked pretty well as a distraction tactic... Except for the short moments that he got a glimpse of Jack either from the safety of the house or from afar when one of them left or entered their respective houses. He wasn't sure if Jack saw him, at least he didn't acknowledge Ianto. That fact tore at Ianto's heart, but at the same time, he was relieved. Otherwise, he woudln't have known what to say, how to react other than ignore Jack himself also.

What he saw of the other man, though, made him worry. Jack looked as bad as Ianto felt, and once or twice, he debated giving in and storming over to Jack's house to talk again, properly this time. But he couldn't. Not yet.

Gwen once more tried to talk. Although she seemed really concerned as she tried to needle him, he wasn't prepared to share his innermost demons with her just to satisfy her curiosity and her instinctual habit of having to know everything by sticking her nose into things that were no business of hers.

He'd had less luck with Toshiko. Up until now, she had respected his privacy, but it had been almost a week since... since. So, once day, she simply blocked his way on his way back into his room, brutal determination shining in her dark eyes.

Sighing, Ianto finally relented, and followed her into her own room without a word.

Awkwardly, he perched on her battered, comfortable sofa, and wouldn't meet her eyes.

“I'm sorry for what Owen did,” she eventually broke the oppressive silence. “He has the sensitivity of an ogre.”

Ianto's head snapped up, and he stared at her in shock. “How did you...”

“I forced him to tell me,” Tosh simply said. “He acted strangely since you started shutting yourself off.”

Ianto cocked an impressed eyebrow. He hadn't known that there existed a person on Earth who could force Owen Harper to do something he didn't want to do.

“I'd wondered,” he finally admitted softly, “that he didn't brag about his big discovery in front of, I don't know, the whole campus by now.”

“He's an idiot,” Tosh agreed, “but he's not...” She waved her hand helplessly while searching for a word to describe Owen.

“He can be a decent guy, yes,” Ianto admitted, and she nodded, slightly relieved.

“Nonetheless, I'm sorry he told you. I had a real go at him, believe me.”

Sighing, Ianto leaned back into the soft cushions of the sofa. “It's okay,” he mumbled. “Better I learn the truth now than later when I'm in too deep without any chance to turn back.”

Ianto cringed under Tosh's silent, pitiful gaze, but he couldn't admit it out loud, not even to her, that yes, he was in too deep already anyway.

Feeling his face flush with shame, he cleared his throat. “Ehm, by the way, _why_ did he let you force him to tell you in the first place?”

At that, a blush formed on Tosh's cheeks, but she answered nonetheless. “Well, because we're together, and I could withhold sex from him if he didn't.”

Ianto gaped at that. Apart from the ones where his boyfriend was a famous porn actor, these news were the most shocking Ianto had heard in a long time. He opened his mouth a couple of times, but no words would come out.

Still with a blush on her cheeks, Tosh shrugged. “I never said I had a healthy taste in guys.”

Stupidly, Ianto nodded. “I know the feeling.”

Hysterical giggles at the absurdity of the situation suddenly bubbled up inside of him. And maybe it was proof how whacked he was, but Ianto gave in and let it all out.

For a moment, Tosh watched the hysterically giggling man on her sofa with a bit of concern, then, she gave in to her own urge, and she broke out into laughter alongside Ianto.

The two laughed until their sides hurt and they were gasping for breath which forced them to finally stop.

Still chuckling for a while, they slumped back on Tosh's sofa side by side, completely exhausted.

“You can talk to me,” Tosh eventually said into the peaceful silence, serious again. “No matter what, I'm there for you.”

A humble smile tugging at his lips, Ianto reached out to grasp her smaller hand in his. “Thanks. I'm glad to know you.”

Talking to Tosh had somehow helped Ianto to feel better. Maybe it was the thought of not being alone. And of not being the only one to have a questionable taste in men...

He really thought that he now could put an end to the topic of Jack Harkness (which, apparently, was his real last name; he hadn't even known _that_ for the short time they'd been together) because he'd come to terms with the fact that they would never talk, not really. He'd finally realised that, for the sake of his own health and sanity, it probably was for the better.

But one night, when he came back late from the university library and just saw Jack leaving, all dressed up to the nines, Ianto had to realise the hard way that it wasn't over yet for him by far.

Knowing that he only set himself up for heartache, Ianto carefully followed Jack. He trailed the other man (and no, he hadn't turned into a stalker, thank you very much) into the city. This was a part of town he'd never been. The street was buzzing with people out for a good time. Loud music blared from some of the open doors of the clubs lining the street. People were filling in and out of the buildings whose brightly lit neon-coloured signs lured in potential guests. At once, Ianto felt as uncomfortable here as he had at that party, but this time, there was no Jack to assure him it would be fine, just have a good time. This time, Jack only added to his unease.

Speeding up a bit so that he didn't lose Jack in the crowd, he finally saw the other man greet a few people outside of one of the clubs. The small group embraced enthusiastically, and Jack even kissed some of those people straight on the mouth. There was familiarity there, so Ianto assumed that they were colleagues. Jack had said that he hadn't any friends left outside the porn business, right? Fortunately, Ianto didn't recognise any of them from the few scenes he had watched a couple of days ago. He really didn't know what he'd have done if he had.

After exchanging a few words and laughs, the group went inside.

Ianto stood a couple of metres away, unsure what he should do now.

Common sense told him to just let it go. Be thankful for such an easy out, and get on with his life. But, nobody said that being hopelessly in love – and by now, he had reached a point where he couldn't deny it any longer – had anything to do with common sense.

All in all, he really didn't know what made him go in there; the perverse pleasure of wallowing in self-pity probably or maybe a tiny spark of hope that everything could go back to the way it was between them (which, probably, was only up to Ianto since he was the one who had to deal and finally accept Jack's profession). He even didn't know what he was supposed to do once he was inside the club apart from watch Jack partying. Surely he wouldn't confront him here of all places for a talk, would he?

Shoving that thoughts aside, and deciding to just make it up as he went, Ianto entered the club.

It was gloomy inside. Cold, blue light flashed over the writhing bodies on the dance floor, throwing everything in a stark contrast. Busy waitresses in short skirts and on much too high-heeled shoes weaselled their way through the dancing guests to serve the lounge tables placed around the dance floor and in dark, private corners. The music was loud, but not unbearbly so for which Ianto was grateful.

He squinted his eyes looking out for Jack. It wasn't overly crowded yet, so he quickly located him at the bar with some of the same people he had met outside, laughing and talking animatedly. A gangly looking man with spiked-up hair and a long black leather coat over his sharp suit dealt out drinks for the group from the tray of a waitress patiently waiting next to him. They toasted with their drinks, and knocked them back quickly.

For a while, Ianto simply watched them have a good time. It was clear that they knew each other well; how well, Ianto didn't want to know. He debated with himself to simply stay where he was to keep watching, even if it would be stupid to have come here all the way without then even talking to Jack.

What eventually propelled him forward was the need to know, the need for closure, whatever. Although he saw a stranger here, saw a side of Jack he hadn't seen until know, and although he knew more about Jack from the internet than what the man had told him personally, Ianto clung to that small nagging voice whose whisper filled his mind. That Jack _had_ told him things, only small things, but incredibly private ones. He was sure nobody knew about those little things, inconsequental as some may be, except for Ianto. He hoped that this meant that what they'd had had been something special for Jack after all, something that had mattered.

He was so close to them now that he heard their laughter above the grinding beat of the music. He stopped a few feet away, watching again, and soon, he felt like an idiot just standing next to them like a fifth wheel, but then, Jack spotted him.

Even in the low light, Ianto saw all colour drain from Jack's face when he saw him.

“Ianto,” Jack exclaimed eventually, a sharp, false smile appearing on his face that was supposed to cover up his shock.

The others turned around, the man in the coat together with a young, blond woman. Both of them looked at Ianto, the man in confused surprise about Ianto's sudden appearance, and the woman with a mixture of slight irritation and open friendliness. Another man stood next to Jack, much too close for Ianto's liking. He was smaller than Jack, his brown hair slicked back that caused his sharp cheekbones to stand out in stark contrast on his face. Ianto didn't like the interested, leering gleam in the man's eyes with which he seemed to devour Ianto.

Ianto felt out of place suddenly amidst these people who were so sharply dressed as opposed to his simple jeans and trainers. At least, he wore a shirt, not some washed-out T-shirt with a silly line on the front that made him look even more like an awkward teenager that had followed his crush into the grown-up world like a lost puppy.

The appraising voice of the brunette man shattered the surprised spell that had descended over the small group. He swaggered over to Ianto, and flung an arm around the younger man's shoulders.

“Why, Jack! Won't you introduce us to your friend here?”

Jack blinked at him for a moment longer, clearly still thrown. “Ehm... This... this is Ianto,” he eventually managed to get out.

“Nice to meet you, Ianto,” the man that was still pressed up to Ianto whispered hotly into his ear. “I didn't know Jack hid such an Eye Candy at home.”

“He doesn't,” Ianto snapped defensively on principle. “I'm not his possession.”

“Of course you're not,” the man grinned, and then, fortunately, let go of Ianto to bring a little distance between them again. His devouring gaze still lingered on Ianto, though.

“Ianto, this is John,” Jack introduced them.

“John Hard,” the man corrected.

Ianto gulped. With that name, the man could only be a... “You...” he stammered.

“Oh, we go way back,” John confirmed with a grin, and stepped backwards a few steps until he was pressed close to Jack again. In an awfully intimate gesture, he wrapped his left arm around Jack's middle, and placed his hand over Jack's stomach. “Never boring, the two of us.”

Hadn't Jack said something about that recent thing with a colleague?

Oh...

Jack must have seen Ianto's face fall because he hurried to divert his attention by introducing the rest of the group. “This is Rose. She's a friend and colleague. And this is the Doctor, her manager and our studio's boss.”

Rose smiled at him, now a little more at ease as she learned Ianto was Jack's... whatever they thought he was. The Doctor scrutinised him closely, one eyebrow cocked.

Then, suddenly, he grinned knowingly. “Then, I suppose it's because of you Jack has changed so much in the last couple of days.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, Doc, my performance didn't suffer at all, didn't it,” Jack hastened to assure the Doctor, and Ianto saw how badly Jack seemed to want that man's approval, how subservient he suddenly was.

“ _All the while, I was pining for this other guy though. He's the manager of a friend of mine. But he has only eyes for her.”_

Ianto suddenly remembered what Jack had also told him after their first time.

Great.

Not only did he have to meet Jack's on-and-off affair, Ianto had to make the acquaintances of the man Jack was still pining for to top it off. His evening couldn't get any better.

Ianto was so lost in his horrid realisation that he almost missed the Doctor's answer.

“No, no,” the man smiled. “I know that. But it's good to see you happy, Jack.”

Rose nodded, smiling as well from Jack to Ianto. “Yeah, you're good for him.”

Stepping around Rose and closer to Ianto, it was now the Doctor who trew an amicable arm around Ianto's shoulder. These porn people were way too touchy-feeling for his likeness.

“You see,” the Doctor explained in a confidential voice while smiling at Jack. “He's ever the professional, our Jack. You can be proud of him. Isn't that right, Jack?”

The Doctor pointed at Jack proudly so as if he was his personal possession. Jack grimaced, and Ianto couldn't help but do so as well. He wouldn't call it proud exactly.

“He's real good. Maybe the best.” The Doctor winked at Ianto. “The perk with him is he's the business' whore. He'd do everything and everyone. Versatile, which is good in this business.” While the Doctor said that, he smiled amicably at Jack so as if it was an old joke between them.

Jack returned the smile brightly, but Ianto clearly saw how much the comment hurt him. Obviously, Ianto knew Jack better than those people, his so called friends who didn't even notice how much that disparaging talk got to Jack.

“Stop it,” Ianto hissed before he could even think about it.

Confused, the Doctor blinked at him, and Rose suddenly looked unsure at the man's side.

“Ehm, what?”

“I said, stop talking like that about him,” Ianto repeated through gritted teeth. “I thought you were supposed to be his friend.”

“Ianto, please, don't,” Jack tried to stop him with unease colouring his voice, but at the same time, the Doctor threw Ianto another bright, careless grin.

“Nah, don't take it too seriously,” the Doctor laughed. “Jacky-boy and me, we're old friends. No harm done.”

To be truthful, Ianto didn't want to have this discussion with this man, didn't want to have to do anything with him, really, so he did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He drew back his fist and punched the Doctor straight in the jaw.

The man collapsed back against the bar, Rose let out a shocked yelp before she hurried over to the Doctor.

Meeting Jack's eyes, Ianto cringed at the shocked, wide-eyed look the older man regarded him with, the crowing, impressed cry of delight from John, “I'm impressed! You should keep him, Jack, Eye Candy has balls!” only a buzzing background noise in both their ears.

Holding Jack's still flabbergasted gaze for a couple of moments more, Ianto eventually came to his senses again, spun around, and marched away.

The last thing he heard was the Doctor's petulant “You should chose your friends more carefully, Jack”.

 _Oh yes, you should_ , Ianto thought, but didn't turn around again to confront the Doctor once more.

He wanted to leave, the bouncers would grab him any moment now anyway and throw him out for starting a fight, but halfway to the exit, Ianto changed his mind. Looking out with one eye for the bouncers, he mixed with the throng of other guests, disappearing in the writhing crowd for the time being while still making sure he had a good view of Jack and the others.

Cringeing, Ianto watched as Jack approached the scowling Doctor, holding up his hands disarmingly, and talking insistently to him, grovelling. That wasn't the reaction Ianto may have hoped for subconsciously. He didn't know what he had hoped for. Thinking that Jack saw reason all of a sudden that he was better than these people just because Ianto had stood up for him maybe had been a bit much to ask for.

Eventually, the Doctor gave Jack a bright, forgiving smile and a hug, but then took Rose's hand and led her away. Jack was left standing with John at his side. He didn't protest when the other man pulled him over to one of the lounge tables, shoving him onto the stylish-looking white sofa in front of it. John talked to him, but Ianto didn't have the impression that Jack heard anything the other man said. He looked thrown, and for a few seconds, his eyes followed the Doctor longingly, like a kicked puppy, until the man had disappeared in the crowd. Then, his eyes searched the room, a slightly hopeful look in his eyes, and Ianto's heart skipped a beat as he was sure that Jack was looking for him.

But finally, John got Jack's attention, and he shoved a drink in his direction and, much to Ianto's horror, a few pills into Jack's unresisting hand.

Dazedly, Jack looked from the pills in his hand to John, meeting the other man's shark-like grin. When he still didn't react, John rolled his eyes fondly, and took one of the pills. He placed it on his tongue, and lunged for Jack, snogging him for all he was worth.

Ianto's hands involuntarily balled into angry fists as he watched Jack eventually return the kiss, shoving his tongue into John's mouth as he took control. Feeling helpless tears prick his eyes, Ianto finally found the strength to turn around and leave. If Jack wanted to ruin himself, Ianto didn't want to be part of it.

Ianto was almost running the farther he left the clubs behind, until, after what felt like a lifetime, he was back home.

Ianto didn't know how long he sat on the patio out back, slouched in one of the comfortable if slightly wobbly chairs they had there. It felt as if he hadn't moved for hours, his body numb and his mind blessedly empty as he just stared ahead into the darkness of the garden.

He startled when he heard a noise to his left, and, with mixed feelings, watched somebody climb over the fence with awkward, clumsy moves. Although he couldn't really make out any details that would identify the late-night visitor, it could only be one person; the last person he wanted to see on this Earth right now.

With slow, unsteady steps, Jack advanced until eventually, the single bulb from the patio ceiling basked him in its yellow shine. Their gazes met briefly, but Ianto quickly looked away again.

“Ianto...”

“You're high,” he snapped instead in accusation.

Jack frowned, and then shrugged. “Yeah, I probably am.”

“What do you want?”

Jack stepped closer until Jack's shoes came into Ianto's downturned line of sight.

“Talk.”

Slowly, Jack crouched down in front of Ianto, and tried to catch the other man's gaze. For a moment, Ianto allowed it.

“What you did there... that was good.” Jack shrugged awkwardly. “I was never strong enough to oppose him.”

“Yeah,” Ianto scoffed bitterly. “Being in love makes us behave stupidly.”

Jack's breath hitched when he heard that. “In love? Then...”

“I wasn't talking about me,” Ianto snapped pointedly, and stoically stared straight ahead once more.

Chastised, Jack pressed his lips together, and nodded. Awkwardly, he scrambled to his feet, and paced for a few moments.

From under lowered eyes, Ianto watched his agitated pacing, watched the frown line between Jack's brows.

Eventually, Jack stopped abruptly, and looked at Ianto again pleadingly. “Please, Ianto. Please forgive me. I just want it to be the way it was before.”

Ianto sucked in a sharp breath. “It will never be the way it was before, Jack. What happened tonight showed me the world you live in. I don't want anything to do with this world, those people. I thought I knew you, but what happened in that club showed me that it's not true. I feel like I've never really known you.”

“You do!” Jack insisted desperately. “You're the only one who really knows me.” He waved his arm exuberantly. “That out there, that's not the real me. These movies are not real, but what we had, what I had with you, that's real.” With wide, haunted eyes, he dropped to his knees in front of Ianto again, grasping his thighs just above his knees, squeezing tightly. “I'm only myself when I'm with you.”

Hardly daring to breath, Ianto stared at Jack. This was what Ianto had wanted to hear, what he had wanted to find out by following Jack tonight, by watching these despicable movies, wasn't it? But... Did it still make a difference?

Jack's gaze turned hopeful when he saw the contemplative frown between Ianto's brows, but the longer Ianto kept silent, the more nervous and fretful Jack got.

Finally taking in a shuddering breath, Ianto opened his mouth. “Go away, Jack,” he said softly. “I don't want to see you ever again.”

Jack's whole body froze as he heard these damning words, and he frantically searched Ianto's eyes, desperately searching for some kind of signal that he could still change Ianto's mind, that there was something he could do to make it all better again.

He didn't find it in the younger man's eyes.

Completely defeated, he rose on trembling legs.

Jack stumbled back onto his own property.

Adamantly, Ianto stared straight ahead into the darkness again.

Ianto didn't know how late it was, he'd lost all sense of time.

An indistinct crash in the distance startled him all of a sudden. It came from the direction of Jack's house.

He didn't want to react to it, wanted to ignore whatever was happening over there. It wasn't his problem if Jack demolished his house in a drunken rage or whatever.

His knee jittering agitatedly, Ianto pressed his lips together firmly in determination as he tried to stand firm. It would be childish to cover his ears with his hands as well.

A few seconds passed.

He wouldn't yield. He didn't care.

He wouldn't...

“Oh, fuck it.”

Angrily, he jumped up, and rushed over to Jack's house. Since the front door was locked, and he didn't have a key, he hastened around the house. Surely, he would get in through the patio doors.

The glass doors stood open indeed.

Inside, it was dark.

Breathing heavily, Ianto came to a slithering stop inside the living room. He blinked so that his eyes could get used to the gloom, the only light being the blueish light of the pool falling in through the glass windows and open doors.

His breath caught when he finally managed to make out what was before him.

“Jack!”

Panic spreading through his whole body like ice, Ianto leapt to the fallen man's side. Almost stumbling in his haste, Ianto fell to his knees beside Jack, his knees hitting the cold stone floor hard, but he barely felt the harsh pain.

“Jack, please, wake up,” he urged frantically, and carefully shook Jack's shoulder.

Sluggishly, Jack finally reacted to his pleading, and his eyes fluttered open, much to Ianto's relief.

“Ianto?” he slurred, and blinked up at Ianto in confusion.

“I'm here. It's okay,” Ianto assured. He moved around until he could gently pillow Jack's head in his lap, caressing Jack's sweat-damp hair and temples.

For a moment, Ianto sat there, completely helpless, just staring at Jack's pain-drawn, sweating face.

Then, suddenly, a small, agonised moan escaped Jack that snapped Ianto out of his panic-induced trance, and he fumbled for his mobile with trembling hands. He'd never thought that he would be grateful to have Owen Harper on speed dial.

“What do you want, Jones?” was the first thing that came out of Owen's mouth in a bored tone as soon as he'd taken the call.

“Owen!” Ianto shouted into the phone, and immediately tried to calm down somewhat. “Get over here to Jack's, we need your help.”

Owen snorted. “No thanks, I'm not interested becoming a part in some sick doctor games you two attempt as make-up sex.”

“Owen!” Ianto growled furiously. “I need your help.”

The urgency and seriousness in Ianto's voice finally seemed to reach Owen because the future medic fell silent for a couple of seconds. “I'm over in a sec,” he assured, his tone now serious as well and completely professional.

“Come through the patio doors at the back of the house,” Ianto instructed before he terminated the call without another word.

Shaking with relief, Ianto blew out a deep breath that passed over trembling lips.

While waiting for Owen, he once more started talking soothing nonsense to Jack while gently caressing his face. His mind was completely numb at the moment, the only thing he could think about was helping Jack.

After what felt like an eternity, Owen burst through the patio doors, taking in the situation with one analytical look.

“I need more light,” he told Ianto when he dropped to his knees besides Jack.

Nodding, glad that there was something he could do, Ianto carefully placed Jack's head onto a throw pillow he dragged from the couch, and then scrambled up to look for a light switch.

“What happened?”

“Ehm, I'm not really sure,” Ianto replied distractedly while he searched for the light switch. Finally, he'd found it, and returned to Jack's side immediately. Now, in the unforgiving light of the living room lamps, Ianto really realised how bad Jack looked, pale and sweating profoundly.

“I saw him taking some pills in a club earlier tonight. And when he came over, he seemed drunk, but I'm not sure if it's because of the pills or alcohol.”

Owen swore colourfully for a moment, but nonetheless started working on Jack, checking his pulse which, as Ianto had noticed earlier already, was much too fast.

“You should have called an ambulance,” Owen growled while he shone a light in Jack's eyes to test his pupils' reflexes.

“No,” Jack groaned suddenly, and tried to turn his head away from the bright light shining in his eyes. “No hospital.”

“'M not sure if you have any say in it, mate,” Owen snorted.

“Please.”

The Londoner stared at Jack for a few seconds, then, he sighed and shook his head in exasperation. “Fine, I'll sort you out, don't worry.”

Gnawing at his lower lip with concern, Ianto watched Owen work. Guilt wanted to overthrow him that the first person that had come to mind who could help was Owen and not a proper ambulance; it was probably the shock making him act like that. But at least, now that Jack had practically begged them not to take him to the hospital, he was kinda glad that Owen was here instead of the paramedics.

“It's not so bad,” Owen finally said, looking at a relieved Ianto. “We'll put him to bed, then he needs to have some water, he's dehydrated. And we have to cool him down.”

Nodding in determination, Ianto assisted Owen helping Jack up.

Together, they managed to take him upstairs and into his bed where Ianto first opened the windows to let in some fresh air, then, he hurried downstairs again to get a glass of water. When he returned, Owen had already found a wash cloth, and was busy cooling Jack's heated face with it. Silently, Ianto perched on the mattress to help Jack drink before he fetched and wetted a face towel so he could help Owen cool Jack down a bit.

The two men worked silently for a while. Jack for his part was awake, but barely alert. He tried to keep his eyes open, but eventually, he lost the fight against fatigue, and fell asleep.

“Good,” Owen commented. “Sleep's the best thing that can happen to him now.”

Ianto opened his mouth, but Owen beat him to it, apparently guessing what he wanted to say, “He wasn't in any grave danger,” he told Ianto. “It could have been much, much worse. If that had been the case, I would have called an ambulance. Not much I could've done for him on my own.”

Taking in a deep breath, Ianto nodded. “Thank you,” he murmured, and couldn't look at Owen, too embarrassed somehow. Instead, he focussed on Jack's face, now peaceful in sleep.

“No problem, mate.”

Owen's almost kind answer surprised Ianto so much that his gaze snapped up to the older man in surprise. Owen shrugged.

“It's my fault, isn't it. The least I can do is take care of both of you now.”

Ianto swallowed, hard. “It's not your fault,” he whispered. “Actually, I'm glad you told me.” He frowned. “But you could have been less of an ass when you did, though.”

Owen grimaced, and at least had the good grace to look slightly ashamed. “Sorry.” Thoughtfully, he looked from Ianto to Jack. “Just... try if you can save what you two have. But no matter what you decide, Tosh and I will support you.”

And with that, Owen rose and left the room without another word.

Shocked, Ianto sat there on Jack's bed as if paralysed. Had that really just happened?

He couldn't deal with that at the moment. Owen's peculiar behaviour had to wait; the only thing that counted at the moment was Jack.

For a moment, Ianto contemplated settling down next to Jack on the bed, but it suddenly felt too close, too intimate. He needed a bit of space.

A quite comfortable armchair stood in the corner of the room. After Ianto had cleared it off a bunch of clothes, he dragged it next to the bed, and settled down for the night.

Ianto jerked awake.

Bright beams of sunlight streamed through the blinds of the windows, blinding him for a moment. Disorientated, he blinked a couple of times until he remembered where he was.

When he did, his gaze flew to the bed immediately, his heart pounding like mad.

Involuntarily, a sigh of relief fluttered past his lips as he saw that Jack was still sleeping peacefully, seeming fine.

On shaky legs, he got up to have a glass of water, then, he returned to Jack's side. Silently, he just looked at the man for a long, long time, all kind of thoughts swirling through his head until he could feel a slight pounding behind his eyes.

Jack stirred eventually, a grumbling, pitiful groan making it past his lips, and then, his eyes fluttered open. He seemed disorientated for a moment as well until his gaze fell on Ianto. His eyes widened.

“Ianto?” he croaked, and automatically, Ianto handed him a glass of water.

Gratefully, Jack struggled up into a sitting position, and drank deeply.

Silence descended over the two men like heavy fog, and for a couple of minutes, neither spoke. His lips pressed together firmly, Ianto stared at the blanket covering Jack's legs while Jack was busily staring at the glass craddled between his hands.

“You stayed,” Jack stated eventually, and looked up. A look of wonder and hope shone in his eyes.

Ianto met his gaze, but forced himself to stay adamant. He nodded.

Jack swallowed hard. “Does that mean...”

“No.”

Jack actually flinched at the damning single syllable. His shoulders slumping dejectedly, he nodded.

“Jack,” Ianto got straight to the point. “You lied to me.”

Sighing heavily, Jack nodded again. “I did. And I'm sorry.”

“But it's not just the lying,” Ianto made clear. “You endangered my health with your actions.”

Jack's head snapped up, and he glared at Ianto in protest who glared back accusingly. “I didn't!”

“Let's be realistic, it's a justified concern.”

“I'm clean,” Jack argued. “I'd never endanger you willingly. I love you!”

Both men flinched. That wasn't how they had imagined finally saying the words to each other.

Involuntarily, tears suddenly streamed down Jack's face as he stared at Ianto imploringly. “I... I just wanted something pure for my own. And what I had with you, it was everything I could have ever dreamed of.”

“Well,” Ianto spat bitterly, tears forming in his own eyes as well, but he blinked them away angrily. “You tainted it with your lies.”

Once more, Jack jerked as if struck by a whip, and he fell silent, his gaze lowering onto his clenched fists lying in his lap.

The silence started to become opressive, the only sounds the two agitated men's harsh breathing as they tried to come to terms with their situation.

“Jack, I can't do this.” Ianto took in a deep, shuddering breath, and he, too, rather stared at his fists that lay on his knees than look at Jack. “I love you, too, but I can't stand by and watch you destroy yourself.”

“I don't...” Jack started to protest, but Ianto cut him off harshly.

“Look what you did to yourself last night!” he shouted. “And those films, it... it destroys me as well. It tears me apart on the inside when I see you with all those people.” A humourless, self-deprecating laugh tumbled over Ianto's lips that made Jack flinch. “I didn't think I could be that jealous.”

Tiredly rubbing his hands over his face, Ianto rose, and stood over by the window, his back turned to Jack. When he spoke again, his voice was horribly empty so that it caused a shudder to run over Jack's back with fear. “I need someone who gets me to do things I would never do otherwise. That's what you said. See, here we are. I'm insanely jealous, but I can't do this. Not just because of... the others, but I can't stand by and watch you throw away your health, the chances you have in life. I thought I could, but... We can't be together, Jack. I'm sorry.”

He'd said all that with his back still turned, and he felt disgusted with himself for being such a coward, but he didn't have the strength any more to face Jack. Last night had robbed him of any strength he had still left.

“So that's it?” Jack's quiet, accusatory voice cut through the oppressive silence. “You tell me all that, and then won't even look at me? You won't even give me a chance?”

“I can't,” Ianto whispered.

“I want to be with you!” Jack argued. “We will find a solution. Do you want me to quit? I'll do it. We'll start over, you and me. I'll find something else to do.”

They both heard the frantic desperation colouring Jack's voice as he begged and argued for their relationship, and it broke Ianto's heart. For a split-second, hope flared up brightly inside of him when Jack mentioned leaving the porn industry, but just quitting probably wouldn't solve all the problems between them. And furthermore, who was Ianto that he could demand Jack turn his life upside down just because of him. They barely even knew each other. One day, it would make Jack resent him for it, even if Ianto was right that it _was_ bad for Jack doing that job.

“I'm sorry, Jack,” he whispered. “I wish you all the best.”

And with that, without even looking back, Ianto fled.

Over his pounding steps down the stairs, he heard Jack's furious shout, “Then go! I don't need a stupid naive boy living in a dream world anyway!”

Ianto wanted to cover his ears, but he had reached the front door already.

The loud bang of the front door slamming shut echoed through the otherwise silent house. Frozen to the spot, Jack remained, alone and feeling hollow and cold inside, and he still stared at his bedroom door long after Ianto had gone.

Ianto ran into Tosh when he stormed into his own home.

One look at him, and Tosh's shoulders slumped dejectedly. “Ianto,” she started, but he just stormed past her.

“Not now, Tosh,” he snapped, and raced upstairs to once more hole himself up in his room. The sharp bang of the door to his room echoed through the whole house.

Ianto wasn't surprised that Tosh wouldn't just leave him alone, but what, despite his horrible mood, actually did surprise him, was Owen Harper marching into his room a while later, uninvited, with Tosh hot at his heels.

The Londoner cocked a pointed eyebrow at the drawn blinds so Jack's bedroom window wouldn't be visible, but Ianto didn't react to that.

“Well?”

Ianto bristled in sudden irritation. “Well what?”

“We won't ask how it went, that's obvious, but what are you gonna do now?”

All the anger suddenly drained from Ianto as soon as it had flared up. His whole frame seemed to slump in on itself. “I don't know. I should probably... yeah, I'm quitting. I'm going back to Wales. Coming here was a stupid idea anyway.”

“Are you kidding me?!” – “Ianto!”

Tosh and Owen's outraged outcries made Ianto flinch in surprise.

“I thought you would support me, no matter what I decided!”

“When it's about Jack,” Tosh argued. “We never said anything about supporting you throwing your future away.”

“This _is_ about Jack!” He glared at them. “I can't pull this through while he's right next door.”

“Don't be stupid,” Owen snapped angrily. “You're stronger than that. You'll get over this.”

Gobsmacked, Ianto blinked at the older student, for once lost for words. “Why are you so nice to me?” he stammered after he finally found his voice again. “It's not just because you're still feeling guilty, is it? I told you, I don't blame you.”

“Well, maybe because I'm not a complete asshole. Maybe I'm just worried.” The Londoner sneered. He advanced on Ianto, and suddenly grasped his shoulders imploringly. “Forget him. A short affair isn't worth throwing away the rest of your life. I know you feel like you've just lost the love of your life, it always feels that way at first, especially being so young, but believe me, that will pass.”

Ianto was so surprised that once more, he could do nothing but stare at Owen stupidly. He searched the medic's face for a long time, only seeing honesty, worry and compassion there. After what felt like eternity, he swallowed, hard, and nodded slowly.

“You're right,” he had to admit reluctantly. How could he expect Jack not to turn his life upside down just for him if he himself now wanted to do exactly that. It hurt, yes, more than Ianto had ever thought anything could hurt, but Owen was right. He had to think of himself now, and finish what he started here. He deserved that, and he hoped that Owen was right and he was strong enough to get by even with Jack still living next door.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Ianto finally nodded. “I'll stay.”

The first thing Ianto did was pack up his things, and move back into his old room which still stood empty. Fortunately, the leak in the ceiling had been repaired by now, but even if it hadn't, Ianto wouldn't have stayed in the other room.

He threw himself into his studies whole-heartedly. Most of the time, working hard helped him forget Jack, and every night he fell asleep, he thanked every deity that was that he had managed another day without running into Jack.

A few weeks later, he stopped short in surprise when he came home one afternoon to see a “For sale”-sign stuck into the grass of the front lawn of Jack's house. For a moment, his heart pounded so hard in his chest as if it wanted to burst through his ribcage when Ianto took in the drawn blinds of the deserted looking house.

Breathing in deeply a couple of times, he told himself that it was for the best. It hurt, which wasn't unexpected, because Jack moving away meant that it was over now for good. Even the tiny spark of foolish hope that just maybe what they'd had could be saved and rekindled was now smoothered.

Ianto dearly wished Jack that he would be able to start over somewhere else. He wished him all the best, but if Jack should decide to continue with his current life, it wasn't Ianto's fault or concern. And he'd never know, would he. He was just glad that he had gotten off lightly. He'd burned his fingers during this affair, but all in all, he was stronger now because of what had happened with Jack; Gwen called him cold-hearted instead now, closed-off, when he churned all her well-meant but unwelcome efforts to set him up with someone else, but Ianto didn't care. He wasn't kidding himself, he still loved Jack despite everything, and he couldn't bear a new relationship at the moment.

When he, a couple of days later, got a letter with his test results, telling him he was clean, Ianto sagged down on to his bed in relief. A huge burden he hadn't even realised still weighed him down suddenly dropped from his shoulders; he'd not only gotten off lightly with his heart relatively intact, but with his health as well.

Suddenly, he felt new strength run through him, even new hope and optimism that everything would be fine.

His gaze fell onto the crumbled up napkin with Jack's doodle on it. He had kept it, of course, but since he'd broken up with Jack, he had wanted to throw it away so many times. He hadn't had the heart, though, clinging hard to that last reminder of their relationship.

Now, for a short moment, he contemplated throwing it away for good, ridding himself of the remaining ballast, but then, he realised that he had to keep it. He needed to keep it as a reminder of his mistakes. At least, he tried to tell himself that. But even if a tiny part of him kept it because it really was the only item he had of Jack, that was okay, too. They'd had good times together as well which shouldn't be trampled on just because of their disastrous end.

A smile formed on Ianto's lips, and he placed the napkin into his wallet. He felt free all of a sudden, and felt now ready to take on his future.

It was only a few days until Christmas. Ianto was incredibly busy, but despite his vehement protest, even he couldn't fight off Tosh and Owen – and Yvonne, the traitor – when the two suddenly turned up at his office high up in Torchwood Tower one late afternoon, and dragged him off to the London West End.

He glared at his friends in exasperation. Right now, Ianto really wasn't in the mood for a Disney musical.

“Guys, please, why are we going to see _Beauty and the Beast_?”

“Because Tosh said so, and it's Christmas, so shut up,” Owen snarked with a final ring to his voice.

“This will be good for you,” Tosh added sternly.

“I'm really busy,” Ianto protested.

“Yeah,” Owen snorted, “with all that family life you don't have at Christmas.”

Ianto let out a longsuffering sigh, and surrendered to his fate.

Like a stroppy toddler, he flopped down in the seat next to Tosh's, and sullenly stared at the stage in impending doom.

When the heavy red curtain rose, he relaxed a bit, and halfway into the show, he had to admit that the experience wasn't so bad. The stage decoration was opulent, and colourful, and, well, _Disney_ , and the actors were pretty good, especially the guy singing the beast.

Goosebumps actually broke out over his whole body when the beast sang his solo as Belle left him, and when that guy was finished, Ianto noticed irritably that he had tears in his eyes.

Angrily, he brushed them away, and tried to concentrate on the story again while wondering, in the back of his mind, why on Earth he had been so moved by that particular song.

His irritation wouldn't leave him somehow, and while he'd had a good time beforehand, now he only wanted it to be over. He wanted to go home and wallow in his sudden misery. He couldn't even explain his moody, restless feelings.

Desinterested, he watched the beast die on stage, watched the drama, and when the actor finally lost his mask as he turned back into the prince, Ianto wanted to scoff bitterly at the kitschy happy ending that Disney had perfected.

Belle stared at the good-looking man with shock written all over her face, and when Ianto took a closer look at the actor, the same shock started emerging on his own face, only that his shock was for real.

A barely audible “No” tumbled from his lips. He blinked, but when he opened his eyes again, the sight before him was still reality. Jack Harkness still stood on the stage, smiling beatifically, catching a laughing Belle in his arms.

It couldn't be. He surely must be hallucinating. Or it was Jack's twin. Either way, it was simply impossible that that man on stage was Jack!

He didn't break out into enthusiastic applaus with the rest of the audience when the show was over. The only thing he was capable of was sitting numbly in his plush seat like a puppet with its strings cut, his eyes glued to the happily beaming actor bowing before the ecstatic audience.

“Ianto?”

He startled violently, and looked into Tosh's concerned eyes. He searched her face closely, and suddenly had a hunch.

“You knew,” he breathed, staring at her accusingly.

Tosh had the decency to look a little chagrined, but nonetheless stuck her chin out stubbornly.

His gaze flicked over to Owen who was still oblivious, clapping wildly even if he had otherwise been busy the whole evening to appear as if he was bored to tears by the show.

Tosh shook her head, indicating that Owen was clueless, and going by his reaction, it didn't seem as if he recognised Jack at all.

Ianto didn't blame him. It's been years, and honestly, nobody would ever expect his favourite porn star of old on a musical stage in London's West End starring in a Disney musical. The thought was so farfetched, preposterous even that it was no wonder Owen didn't make the connection.

When they followed the masses out of the auditorium, Ianto couldn't hold it in any more.

“Why, Tosh?”

None too gently, he grasped her shoulder to stop her from walking away from him.

She turned to face him, sighing heavily, but with a stubborn glint in her eyes.

“Huh? Wait, what's going on here?!” Owen asked, dumbfounded, and looked from his wife to his friend.

“Didn't you recognise him, Owen?” Ianto asked through clenched teeth without letting Tosh out of his sight. “That was Jack up there on stage. Jack Harkness.”

Owen blinked owlishly while he tried to comprehend the information. Then, he threw his hands up in the air, and groaned in exasperation. “Tosh! You and your meddling!”

Ignoring Owen's outburst, Ianto concentrated on Tosh again. “I ask again: Why?”

“Because you're not over him,” she answered simply. “You never stopped loving him.”

“I've been with him just a couple of days,” Ianto argued heatedly.

“And?” Tosh shrugged. “A few days were enough.” She nodded her chin in the general direction of the auditorium and the stage beyond it. “For him as well, it seems.”

Ianto scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh mate,” Owen barged in. “You don't get it, do you? You were the one who told him not to throw his life away. Didn't you tell us he wanted to be a musical actor? See, obviously, he took your words to heart and started over.”

Ianto couldn't help but splutter incredulously. This was preposterous! And he told his friends as much very colourfully.

“Go to him,” Tosh's calm voice interrupted his ranting.

Stupidly, Ianto stared at her. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“That's crazy. He won't even remember me,” Ianto argued, but Tosh held his gaze, unrelenting.

He tried to resist, he really did, but apparently, something inside of him wanted to believe her, wanted to know.

Finally relenting, Ianto threw up his arms, cursing, and simply marched off, leaving his friends standing in the foyer.

“You can thank us later, Jones!” Owen called after him, but Ianto didn't react to the doctor's smug voice.

Somehow, he managed to sneak backstage without getting caught.

As if in a daze, Ianto stumbled through the backstage corridors, and the fog only lifted when he suddenly stood in front of a dressing room. He really didn't know how he'd gotten here.

His throat became bone-dry as he spied the small sign next to the door. It read “Jack Harkness”.

Starting to tremble with nerves, he stared at the closed, unremarkable white door in front of him. This was crazy. No matter what Tosh and Owen thought, Jack surely wouldn't remember him. And, this needing to know, wasn't that what had broken him five years ago? Following Jack to that club and confronting him had been a mistake. This would turn out to be a mistake as well. He would only tear open old wounds.

But...

Suddenly, the good times he had spend with Jack, few as they were, flashed before his eyes, the napkin-doodle still nestled safely in his wallet suddenly seeming to burn a hole into the inside pocket of his jacket as the memories surfaced. He recalled the pleading in Jack's gaze not to leave him, the man's heartache, his own heartache. How unhappy he'd been in the last couple of years even if he had suppressed these feelings and instead had thrown himself into his busy work as Yvonne's PA. And he remembered the man he had seen on stage not even twenty minutes ago. He'd looked so good. Proud, handsome, so talented, even happy. Could it really be? That Jack, like the beast transforming back into the prince, had transformed into someone else, someone better? Okay, that wasn't really fair on Jack; he hadn't been a bad person before, and in retrospect, being a porn actor hadn't been as horrible and shameful as Ianto had thought it was back then, stupid, over-dramatic kid that he'd been. But obviously, Jack had been unhappy enough to dare attempt a new start in life, so...

Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, Ianto raised his hand. He _had_ to do this.

He knocked.

The “Enter” in that familiar voice send shudders down Ianto's back, and almost caused him to turn tail and flee.

With trembling hands, he pushed down the door handle, and entered tentatively.

Jack was in the process of pulling a jumper over his head, so he didn't immediately see who had entered his dressing room.

“Sorry, wait a minute,” Jack called, his voice muffled by the fabric of the jumper. Finally pulling the item of clothing over his head and into place, instantly running his hands through his hair to bring some kind of order into it, he froze when he spied his unexpected guest. His hands froze so that he stood there for a moment with his arms raised comically above his head and gaping at Ianto stupidly.

Ianto barely dared to breath as he and Jack stared at each other from oposite ends of the room, none being able to move a muscle or even say anything remotely intelligent.

Jack was the first to get his bearings again.

“What are you doing here?” he finally burst out breathlessly, completely thrown.

“Well,” Ianto shuffled around nervously. “Somebody once told me that it would be good for me to do things I normally wouldn't do.” He chanced a shy peek up at Jack. “I believe sneaking into actors' dressing rooms qualifies. But... what are _you_ doing here?”

“Wha... I'm working!” Jack defended himself incredulously.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Ianto burst out disbelievingly.

Both men panting heavily, they stared at each other again helplessly.

“Why...” Ianto had to clear his throat. “Why did you quit doing... well, doing porn?”

“Because a certain someone told me it's bad for me,” Jack snapped back a little defensively.

“B-but, we...”

“Yes, I know.” Taking in a deep, harsh breath, Jack straightened his shoulders, drawing himself up to his full height proudly. “Even if we'd never seen each other again – which was very likely until five minutes ago –, I wanted to change nonetheless. Because you were right, Ianto.” His gaze softened somewhat, and something like a self-deprecating smile made it onto his face. “I had to grow up and stop seeing my life as a big party; do something worthwhile with my life. And... and...” His voice suddenly faltered, and Ianto could see his Adam's apple working as he swallowed heavily. Once again breathing in deeply, shakily, Jack found the strength to continue eventually. “Even when you were not there, I wanted to do it for you. I wanted, wherever you are in this world, that you are proud of me.”

“I am proud,” Ianto managed to choke out, emotions suddenly constricting his throat. “Incredibly proud, but you don't have to do this for me. The way I treated you, I don't deserve what you did in my honour.”

“That's where you're wrong,” Jack argued. “It's _only_ because of what happened that I'm here now, leading a better life.”

“But not necessarily a happier one?” Ianto asked sadly in sudden realisation. He was speaking from experience after all.

Jack didn't respond to that, instead, he averted his eyes stubbornly.

“What about not dwelling on past hurts?” Ianto asked softly when he knew he'd hit a sore spot.

“I'm still holding onto that belief,” Jack snapped. “Doesn't mean I was strong enough to heed my own advice.”

“I know the feeling,” Ianto admitted with a sigh.

“Really?” Jack cocked a sceptical eyebrow, and swept his gaze over Ianto's form critically. “You look so dapper – by the way, love the suit –, so controlled in your appearance that I thought...”

Ianto flashed Jack an angry look. “What? That what happened didn't mark me? Why do you think I'm so _controlled_ , why I wear a suit?” Involuntarily, Ianto balled his trembling hands to fists. “What happened scarred me, Jack. If I wanted to or not, you were there, all the time, even if I didn't think about you consciously. I haven't been able to maintain a proper relationship for years. Instead, I buried myself in my studies and my job.”

Jack nodded in sad comprehension. “I'm sorry,” he whispered. “It wasn't my intention to hurt you so deeply.”

“I know. And it's fine, I get by.”

“Stop try kidding me. You're as far from fine as I am. Yeah, I'm really happy with how my life turned out, thanks to you, but the sad truth is, I didn't have a serious relationship for ages either.” Jack drew in a deep, shuddering breath to steel himself before he dared to take the plunge that could maybe change everything. “Because, if I like it or not, and as improbable as it may sound after all these years, I still love you.” Jack barked out a self-deprecating laugh. “Crazy, isn't it.”

Ianto's eyes widened in shock, but then, he averted his eyes. Warring with himself, he bit his lower lip.

“Then I'm crazy, too, because I still love you as well,” he finally found the courage to whisper, his voice breaking.

Now it were Jack's eyes widening in shock, and he gaped at Ianto. “You do?!”

“Of course I do!” Ianto barked, and suddenly fumbled for his wallet. With jerky motions, he ripped the napkin from his wallet, and thrust out his hand at Jack. Dumbfounded, the other man took the offered item, confused about it for a moment. When he realised what he held in his hand, his breath caught.

“Oh,” he breathed softly as he stared down at the childish doodle he'd made on that napkin so long ago.

“The truth is,” Ianto began, suddenly agitated while Jack still stared down at the napkin, at Ianto's _dream person_ which had only been meant as a joke back then, but now... “I'm only twenty-five years old, Jack. Yes, I achieved a lot already despite my young age. Yes, I have a good-paying job as the PA of the director of a highclass research facility who's a bitchy cow in her best moments. Yes, because of that, I can afford incredible suits and a flat in the city of London that's every architect's wet dream, but tell you what; I'm not happy. Instead of leading a normal life with a family, I only have my work, and the only real friends I have are Tosh and Owen. I'm sick of being alone, I'm sick of still pining for you while, every goddamn minute of the day I happen to think about you, I regret leaving you instead of fighting for what we had. And now that we had our heart-to-heart, can you please kiss me so I can have my Disney moment?! Seems I didn't have enough of that for tonight.”

For a few seconds that felt like eternity to Ianto, Jack stared at him, wide-eyed and with his mouth hanging open in shock. Then, suddenly, his face transformed, and the most blinding, brilliant smile Ianto had ever seen brightened up Jack's face, and in the next second, Jack had bridged the distance between them to take Ianto into his arms to give him the kiss he'd demanded.

**End**


End file.
